You Know You Have Paranoid Arab Parents When…

Arab parents give life a certain edge. While I could list a bunch of great and not-so-great characteristics that differentiate them from other parents, I’m going to focus one on specific aspect: paranoia.

As if it was imbedded in their genetics, Arab parents seem to have a more-than-normal creative imagination when it comes to worst possible case scenarios. At one point or another, most Arab kids have gone through that moment where asking to go out turned into a two-hour lecture on every crazy thing that could go wrong.

Here are our top parental paranoid moments:

 

 

A minor disturbance in one part of Egypt = house arrest for three days

 

When your parents heard from their friend’s cousin’s brother-in-law’s dog walker that a bomb was found and disabled in Luxor, they deem all of Egypt in a state of turmoil and you can’t go to your neighbors house because “fee 2ala2 fel balad”.

 

 

You didn’t call them when you reached = Kidnapped/Murdered/Car Crash

 

When you forget to call the second you reach your destination, you get 50 missed calls because your parents’ first assumption is that the driver kidnapped you and you are halfway to sunny Mexico by now.

 

 

You sneezed = Ebola

 

Your parents break out all the medication they have stored in the house and call the family doctor when you blow your nose or let out the slightest cough.

 

 

Traveling alone with your friends = Captured by foreigners and sold in the sex trade

 

“Mashofteesh el bet eli etkhatafet fe Faransa?” Sound familiar? Yup, it’s the movie that you wish your parents never watched because now they think that, like in Taken, you will OBVIOUSLY be kidnapped by Albanians and they will have to go all Liam Neeson on everyone’s asses to get you back.

 

 

Not hungry = Anorexia/Bulimia

 

You didn’t eat that much at lunch so, naturally, your parents assume that you are starving yourself, and for the next two weeks, they make you eat everything in the house or you’re summoned to grandma’s where you will be force fed.

 

 

Can’t sleep  = Up all night thinking about a boy

 

You slept in the afternoon and now you can’t sleep at night, so your parents assume that you’re either in love or heartbroken and open up an investigation to find out everything.

 

 

Your phone’s off = You fell off Kobri 6 October

 

God forbid your phone’s off and they can’t reach you, because when you get home, you are greeted with a three-hour screaming session that causes you to lose your ability to hear.

 

 

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 12 Signs You Have An Egyptian Mom.