I don’t know anyone who hasn’t declared that they were on a diet at least once in their lives. I, for one, have been on diet at least four times. It’s a true roller coaster, between wishing you were dead and sickeningly craving everything you’re deprived of to feeling you’re on top of the world because you’ve never felt better physically or mentally.
And we tend to weave ourselves little white lies to keep pushing through all the diet drama. I honestly don’t know whether to applaud our optimism or to pity us for actually pretending to believe some of these fibs. Whichever way you choose to look at it, here are some of the most famous lies I, and everyone else I know, have told ourselves while on a diet:
1. I can totally control myself on the first day of Ramadan’s/Shem El Nessim’s/3eed’s 3ozooma
Of course, you can!
2. I will stick to only one free meal per week
Excuse me while I laugh: HA! You know too damn well that this free meal always turns into a free day, and often even into an entire free weekend.
3. I’ll just mess up my breakfast and I’ll starve all day long to make up for it
Then your mama happens to be making ma7shy that day. Why do you do this to us? Please, proceed to the next lie…
4. I’ll only eat eight pieces of ma7shy
And you do only eat eight. For starters. Then somehow, you find yourself going to the kitchen every two minutes to eat a couple more and, next thing you know, you’re in bed with the entire pot of these addictive little devils. So you probably end up telling yourself the next lie…
5. I’ll burn it all off in the gym
How do you expect to burn 30 ma7shy pieces’ worth of calories in one gym session? You don’t, so you keep lying…
6. I will totally hit the gym five times a week
You haven’t got out of bed in three months and now you can go to the gym every day? Yeah, that’s real!
7. I will cook healthy meals every day
Between having to get up early enough to prepare healthy meals for the day and making sure you have a pantry fully stocked with healthy and diet-friendly ingredients, this optimistic plan falls apart by the third day of your diet regimen. And if you do manage to cook every day, you’ll find yourself telling the next lie quite often…
8. It’s healthy if I cook it with low-fat butter/cheese
It’s healthIER, not healthy.
9. Multi-grain croissants are healthy, right?
Of course, they are! They only have like three gallons of butter inside.
10. I’ll just have one cookie. I can definitely control myself.
Refer to the ma7shy scenario in lie number three.
11. It’s fruit, so I can have as many as I want
Because fruits don’t have any calories or sugar in them AT ALL.
12. I can have a bar of Snickers every day as long as I stay within my calorie count
We’ve pretty much throw logic out of the window by this stage.
13. I’ll keep it light by ordering a diet Coke with my double cheese Big Mac and extra large fries
Well, there’s really nothing you can say to that kind of delusion.
14. I’m totally gonna hit my goal weight this time
Not if you keep up with these lies, you won’t!
And when all else fails, you end up telling yourself the final and biggest lie of them all…
15. I’ll start tomorrow!
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 10 Stages You Go Through When Working Out For The First Time.