Mommy Diaries: Stop the Judgement Pt. 1

Finding out I was pregnant with L Boogie was like accepting a mission. I was going to be the best damn pregnant chick out there. I put all my poisons away. Caffeine was a poison that was eliminated instantly. There was no way it would go near my unborn child.  I began reading about concepts like tertiary smoke.  (Yes there is such a thing) I immediately enrolled in a prenatal Pilates class and took long calming walks. I had a plan. My sister and mother delivered at least 8 babies between them naturally… without an epidural or spinal block in sight.  And I was to do the same.  I was going to nurse my child and protect it from the evils of man-made formula.

Somewhere around week 37 is when it all came crumbling down. I remember sitting in front of my doctor and hearing the words I hadn’t even considered. You probably won’t be able to deliver naturally; we need to schedule a cesarean section.

What? No. He must be mistaken. What about the three-week long birthing class I took? What about my plan? I had a plan dammit.  I told the kind doctor that he was mistaken and that it wasn’t going to happen and he must be confused. I begged and pleaded and we set a date. If I were to go into labor by then, then so be it. If not, a c-section it would be. I cried. I yelled a little. I even turned away for a bit while he was speaking to me.

That’s when the poor doctor got annoyed and began speaking to me like a toddler.  Do you think that having a natural delivery makes you any more of a mother?  Do you think the pain you endure will help your child with life later on?

And that’s when it hit me.

It doesn’t matter how your child enters the world.  Do you remember how you were born? The only thing you can use your natural delivery story for is to guilt your adolescent into listening to you. I’m an Arab mom. I can guilt anyone into anything sans gross birthing story.

It’s your fault I felt this way. Yes, you. Society. Delivering a baby is perhaps the most personal experience any family can go through. And yet I have had strangers come up to me and brag about how their wife/sister/mother delivered her children without any drugs. I have had people tell me how much more ladylike c-sections are. Ladylike? Seriously? Ah wallahi ashyak bikteer.

Ladies, you want to know what makes you a better mother? Raising your kids right. Whether they came out of a scar or your nether regions… whether they came out of you in the first place… that means nothing. All that matters is that you give them the time and the love they need. Raise them right. 

And in order to do that, you need to do what’s right for you. If an epidural will help you be a better mom, go for it. If you need to endure the pain to build a connection with your child, then by all means.  If you choose to adopt, please do.  If kids aren’t for you, thank you for reading this anyways.

Stop the judgment.