Dear Egyptian Dessert Stores: Enough with the Red Velvet and Mango Crap

I can write about desserts for the rest of my life and never get tired. Every Ramadan I find myself staring at photos of new konafa inventions, dreaming of that blissful moment when photoshopped perfection meets my taste buds for the first time.

This year, my drooling dream of carb paradise turned into a nightmare. I can shamelessly say I tried most of the desserts I wrote about two weeks ago, ignoring the fact that in 10 days I will be on the beach surrounded by 20-year-old sculpted women. Sadly, I realized something so massive that I consider it a life changing dessert epiphany.

The desserts are not even sweet, you can’t taste the sugar. You can taste the fats and gee accumulating on your arteries, but honestly if you are craving sugar, you won’t get it. To be honest, some of them are good, but that is not an excuse for every store to go mango bat shit crazy on us.

It was cute when we first saw marshmallows, Nutella, red velvet, Maltesers and mango garnishing our oriental desserts, but please cut the crap because most of them taste really bad and they are incredibly over priced. It is not even possible anymore to go into a store and ask for regular basic basbousa and konafa because you will not find it, except for the few stores who still appreciate their impact.

Who thought that red velvet basbousa over a cupcake would make sense? It is nauseating and I had it at my favorite dessert shop in Cairo. I Love Nutella, but I am starting to think it is planning my demise. The desserts look divine, but they will give you a mental breakdown because you cannot taste the sugar after all the multiple layers and multiple flavors shenanigans.

And it is not even just the stores, you should watch what women are cooking on TV. Someone two days ago made a cake of three layers of konafa with two layers of red velvet cake in between, topped with a hill of whipped cream. It was a heart attack waiting to happen.

Where did the good old Koueider days go? Egyptian dessert stores, for the love of God, go basic or go home.

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss “Dear EgyptAir: Please Start Serving Antinal With Your Food!”