If These 10 Products Could Speak, They’d Say This
Because it’s time to give a voice to the voiceless.
Your phone
“Judging by the fact that I’m your best friend, you’re seriously a moron and you need to get a life. Like… yesterday. Also, stop making hot actors the wallpaper, creep.”
Your socks
“Maybe if you didn’t consecutively wear me with shoes, around the house and for days at a time, you wouldn’t be such a disgusting slob. But you are.”
Your laptop
“You watch weird videos, are really slow at writing essays and keep overheating me. I hate you and the only reason I freeze or crash is to escape your ugly face.”
Your morning coffee
“Without me you are nothing.”
Your everyday bag
“Are you a hoarder or are you actually psychotic enough to think that you need a toothbrush, a pair of socks, your camera charger, three bags of chips and a small plant on your trip to the supermarket? EMPTY ME.”
Your favorite chocolate
“When you’re broken, I will mend you. When you’re down, I will lift you up. When you need me, baby, I’ll be there.”
Your old lighter
“I swear to God if you click me one more time I will somehow summon the microscopic remains of gas left in here and I WILL LIGHT YOUR UGLY FACE ON FIRE OKAY?!”
Your iPod
“You’re stupid and have shit taste in music. Go away.”
Your jeans
“You’re getting fatter every day and I can promise you I will rip today in front of everyone when you bend over at exactly 2:37 pm. LOL.”
Your mirror
“I love you more than camera. She’s lying to you. NO ONE CAN EVER LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU.”
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