But I Don’t Want To Work!

Graduation night! Everyones Amped. Black cloaks are being ironed beards are being trimmed perfect set of heels are being bought. I mean this is it, yeah? The moment we’ve all been waiting for? Battling through finals, presentations, waking up early mornings to find a spot in that class, that’s all over and done with. The countdown is finally over.

Now what? What exactly is supposed to happen after the celebrations are over? What happens after the grad-high? I mean you’re all drugged up on the fact that you’re finally done. No one really tells you how to deal with the post-sobriety of it all. What happens when the rush wears out? You know, four months post-grad you’re waking up in the same bed, same ceiling, same wall.

You’ve joined every single social network, checked and refreshed over and over. You can feel the lung cancer coming about from all the evening shisha you’ve been “enjoying.” You dress up, meet the same people, have the same conversation, same drinks, hear the same music go back home. Same bed, same ceiling, same wall.

Maybe I should start my own line, work from home. Always, wanted to try tennis, I should get on that. Join a gym, get fit? Get back to my art work. Travel to Asia for a couple of months, discover a new culture, “find myself” (Idea courtesy of “Pray, eat, love”) Get more into my religion? Do my masters? Or maybe I should just turn off the laptop and read a fxcking book.

The possibilities were endless. I had so many options but still my brain refused to assist. It thoroughly enjoyed its little comfort zone routine and was not planning on leaving it anytime soon. You’re probably thinking the answer is quite obvious: “Time to get a job, buddy!”

Job. My brain didn’t want to comprehend (Ironically, I’m writing this from my office desk right now, but that’s not the point) I’ve never been a 9-6 job kind of person, to be honest I was more of a graduate, get married, raise kids kind of person, nothing to be ashamed of.

But what if that doesn’t work out? Where was my plan B? No idea. “So what are you doing now?” seemed to be the question haunting me wherever I went. “Nothing.” People envied that, being unemployed is so underrated they would say.

I found it hard to have a stance on the matter. On a positive note, I enjoyed it. No alarms, schedules I was a free bird -with lots of time on my hand. I could do anything. On the other side of the spectrum, I could feel myself turn into a zombie day in and day out.

Back to the job idea, I applied to jobs, got interview appointments but just simply wouldn’t show up to interviews. And when I did, I prayed they wouldn’t call back. Going to school is safe. Having a job is a responsibility, its real life. What if they asked me to do something I didn’t know how to do? I can’t just not hand in the assignment and work harder on the next one to raise my GPA.

Additionally, I never really grew up of wanting “to skip class” (does anyone ever actually grow out of that?) What if I just didn’t want to show up to work? What if I wanted to leave midday for a quick Sokhna trip I wouldn’t have that option anymore. I had so many doubts but no setbacks, so I finally decided to take the step.

Set in my portfolio, showed up to the interview and here I am: morning coffee, lunch hours, late night “where is the presentation I asked for?!” boss-calls,  “can’t do! I have work” employee. To be honest, brain’s not too impressed with my decision, misses its comfort zone but its gonna have to suck it up for now. Too many years coming up in which it can take pride in waking up to the same bed, same ceiling and the same white wall. Just not now, not today.