The Dos and Don’ts of Collective Grief

It is heartbreaking to lose a loved one to death, let alone in a tragedy like this. With the recent devastating news of the EgyptAir MS804 plane crash, some people’s lives changed forever.  You may be one of the lucky ones where this event didn’t directly affect you, but you were surely touched in a certain way. In these moments of collective grief; loss, anger, sadness, helplessness, shock, denial and fear are very common in these moments.

Most people took their reactions to social media by expressing sadness through a status, getting angry, analyzing the crisis politically, reporting news, blaming EgyptAir or saying prayers. These were all different means to deal with the tragic event.

Only in these moments, we realize we are all one. Maybe different attitudes and feelings but there’s one common event that we all share: death. It is the hardest human experience and the only truth of life, where you’re left alone and helpless on what to do and how to feel. Here is a list of dos and don’ts in the times of collective grief…

1. Acknowledge your feeling: Listen to yourself and acknowledge what feeling is coming up due to the recent crisis. Are you feeling angry? Sad? Hopeless? Depressed? Frustrated? Helpless? Name your feeling first and own it. Validation might not resolve it but makes it more tolerable.

2. Do an intentional act of Kindness in the name of the lost ones and their families: You can help someone in their name, light a candle, say a prayer privately in their honor or join the funeral prayers.

3. Get together as a community: Pay tribute to those who passed recently by standing for a moment of Silence together at work, church or mosque. It is a gesture of respect and remembrance of those who left us.  You can also place flowers in a designated area for the deceased souls as a way to express collective grief and sadness.

4. Don’t ignore children: Children grieve in silence. They might not have the words to express their feelings or say what they are going through. It is important to listen to them, recognize their thoughts and emotions, and have conversations in their own language.

5. Don’t hold back: You are entitled to any feeling you get. Don’t be ashamed of your feelings and express yourself.  Feelings of loss are heavy and need to be shared.  Remember to breathe.

6. Disconnect: If you are feeling overwhelmed by the news. Shut off your TV, log-off your computer and zone out. It is important to listen to your body and mind and not to be overly absorbed from the event. Self-care is key. Step back and be easy on yourself.

7. Don’t judge: Understand others’ situation. Everyone reacts differently to national tragedies. Some might get affected more than others so respect their emotions even if you are not on the same page. In such times empathy can heal.

WE SAID THIS: May the victims rest in peace and may their family and friends find strength to get them through this tragic incident.