In the spirit of informing the male public, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to write up a list of eight nine* common pet peeves we’ve frequently heard women complain about men here in the region. Feel free to add yours in the comments!
1. You are not my father. And if I’ve consented for you to hold an important position in my life, such as a boyfriend, you need to understand that I have needs and boundaries and respect them.
2. And I am not your mommy. I get that you’ve been spoiled your entire life by the women in your family, but at some point you need to throw out the Pampers and put on your big boy briefs. Estargel.
3. Just because I smile does not mean I want to fuck you. And for that matter, just because I make eye contact does not mean I want to fuck you and just because I greet you doesn’t mean I want to fuck you and cat calling sure as hell isn’t going to make me want to fuck you.
4. Your crotch-hugging jeans are not attractive and they will kill your sperm count. Okay, so maybe they won’t kill your sperm count, but still – not sexy. It’s ironic that our region is as homophobic as it is considering the young men on the streets look like they just walked out of a gay bar in any major Western city.
5. Porn is not real life. Sorry, not sorry, but your fantasies have been manufactured by a billion dollar industry and performed by actors and actresses. If you happen to come across one of these mythical creatures known as a lesbian, know that no, she doesn’t want to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. And if she has a girlfriend, no, you can’t watch.
6. We can’t all dance like Safinaz.
7. Feminism is not about hating men. It’s about challenging patriarchy, which is damaging to women and men. Feminism thrives on the simple fact that women are people. Hey, what a concept, right?
8. Hygiene is more than just bathing yourself in cologne. You take such good care of your beard, you should also learn to manscape.
9. Facebook is not an appropriate platform to pick up girls – especially ones you don’t know. The best pick up line? “Hi, how are you?” IN PERSON. Please, if we have not met before, do not send me creepy Facebook messages, add me, or “poke” me and expect a response. I will not respond.*
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss this more reasoned list of “7 Things Women Want in Men“.
*[Ed. note: We added this ninth point after our team received a flood of creepy Facebook messages, friend requests and pokes from random guys.]