If any of these look vaguely familiar, then you are 100% Egyptian.
1. You tour a non-Egyptian museum and roll your eyes like, “Brotha, puleez! You call this history?!?”
2. You always try to convince foreigners that you’re a direct descendant of King Tut or Queen Nefertiti
3. You use the phrase “YALAHWY!!!” when you only actually meant “Oh, really?”
4. You always have a belly ready for belly dancing!
5. You try to bargain at high-end stores and can’t grasp the concept of set prices
6. You’re super smart but can NEVER understand traffic signs
7. You’re walking down a crowded street in a foreign city and shed a tear (of happiness or sadness depending on what you like) because no one yelled at you “hiz ya wiz” or “ya mozza”
8. You get offended when you offer someone food and they tell you they’re “full”
9. You’re always running late because you religiously follow EST: Egyptian Standard Time
10. You believe in all conspiracy theories and believe that you’re part of one
11. You can parallel park ANYWHERE
12. Your body instantaneously loses control and starts convulsing when it hears the tabla
13. You feel like a traitor when you don’t have every single word of Abdel Halim Hafiz’s songs memorized
14. You always carry Antinal (anti-parasitic medicine) and offer it to anyone with abdominal pain
15. Your talking decibel level is off the charts
16. You offer your services for free but then become furious with whatever you’re paid
17. You can play ANY song… with your car horn
18. You find a seed on the shower floor and wonder if it’s a missing seed from your azz’azzing lib or if it’s from your leefa
19. You always wonder who was the last person to give you the evil eye before you tripped
20. People can’t quite figure out what race you are
21. You hear the word tofa7 (apple) and all you can think of is shisha
22. You immediately start speaking Arabic to ANY brown person you see in a foreign country
23. You still get super excited to eat foul for dinner, even though you already had it for breakfast and lunch
24. You always thought you were supposed to drive in the CENTER of those dotted lines on roads
25. You recognize that there are only two ethnicities in this world: Ahly or Zamalak
26. Your stomach growls when you see ducks swimming in a lake and you regret not having a net with you
27. You think American football ezz soooo ezz stubid
28. You pretend like you don’t smoke, even though everyone smokes
29. You’ve become an expert politician against your will
30. You learn how to sing the national anthem “Bilady, Bilady, Bilady” before you learn how to talk
31. You don’t use Facebook to post pics of your dinner. You use it to START REVOLUTIONS
32. You think EVERYTHING is “kalam fady” except for one thing: EGYPT and that’s OM EL DONIA!!!!
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 19 Signs You Are Dating an Egyptian.