Horrible Bosses, Egyptian Style
We’ve all watched the movie, had some good laughs and some of us can even relate to the feeling any employee gets every now and then – wanting to kill your boss.
The truth is, even though this movie was too extreme, it was nothing compared to how sadistic and psychopathically charged Egyptian bosses can be.
Let’s see, shall we? (Please note that some of these characters are fictional and if you find yourself relating to any of the characters below, we’ll call it a coincidence…)
The Cheap Boss
The market’s down, you just graduated and you basically have no other choice. You’ve hesitantly signed the contract (for argument’s sake let us be decent enough to label it a financial offer).
Your first meeting starts with, “You’re here to learn” and the other 10,000 benefits you’ll get from working here; needless to say, money is not one of them.
You think to yourself, “It’ll be all right, I’ll work twice as hard as anyone could possibly work, they’ll appreciate me and I’ll get a raise.”
Even though this trick might work, the chances of you being recognized as an asset from the eyes of a cheap manager are a dime a dozen. Not because you don’t work hard enough, it’s simply because the words “Cheap” and “Asset” don’t go hand in hand.
The second issue you might encounter while dealing with a Cheap Boss is witnessing how dispensable employees can be. The first symptom is the letting go of one of the most indispensable employees. Then two months in you realize a pattern very similar to the domino effect, which is, simply put, “If this employee screws up, we’ll let him go, he costs us way too much.”
The beauty of this scenario is that you end up working twice as much and twice as hard as you were and it’s not because you want more money, it’s because you know you’re next on the line.
Piece of advice: Do not work for an Uncle Scrooge and find another job, NOW!
The Asshole of a Boss
A personal favorite, the Asshole of a Boss, ironically enough, is very successful at what he does. He is usually very presentable, drinks his coffee black from a very fancy espresso machine and doesn’t like to make nice with people – wait, scratch that, unimportant people.
So you just started a new job and your manager is impressive, but to him, no one is impressive and even if you end up achieving more than anyone else does, he will not recognize it.
And again, it’s not because you’re not working hard enough, it’s simply because he doesn’t care. So what defines an asshole, especially an asshole of a manager?
“Love or leave” – This is, from his perspective, “testing your capabilities”, putting you – no, not you, your head – between a rock and a hard place and asking you to choose between both. Do you have an option? Yes, you do: Love or leave. Aren’t you motivated?
“You’ll never grow in this company” – Just a little heads up for managers: Even if it is true, which I highly doubt it is, NEVER SAY IT. If you think for one second (which an asshole boss does, by the way) that this is a motivational technique, then you probably don’t get how humans operate.
“Did you finish the task I gave you? What about that report? And also don’t forget to send that e-mail, it’s top priority!” – I think you know where I’m heading. He drowns you in countless tasks, he sees you doing your ninja-theatrical back flips after hours and he still does not care. Are you surprised at this point?
“No promises” – Oh wait, but you just did… – After drowning you in countless tasks, reports, e-mails and the list goes on, he hints that you may get promoted, or he actually says it out loud, but when the going gets tough, my favorite record starts playing: “You’re already overloaded, I know I promised you that promotion but you’ve got too many projects on your plate right now, and it won’t be fair for me to take that decision. You’ll simply stay put.”
How about that bazooka right now?
The Creative Director
I have one – and only one – word for you: RUNNNNNNN! Okay seriously, here’s how it goes. So it’s already safe to assume that if you’re working for a Creative Director, that means you work at an agency that provides services to big corporations and, needless to say, “CHA-CHING” (for him of course, not for you)!
He’s very friendly, very humorous and is not a big fan of pants suits, formal attire or any of the formalities for that matter. Do not be fooled, he is not as nice as he may seem because once he flips, you will witness a whole new level of crazy.
First of all, instead of working for 14 constant hours a day, you will now be working 20 hours a day. Sleeping and eating are not of priority to his likes. The only thing that matters is that you do the job that you were not hired to do in the first place.
As much as I would love to further explain what the hell goes on in his mind, I cannot help you. And sadly, there are only two scenarios to this sad situation: You’re either going to end up being accused of something you most certainly did not do or you’ll quit because it’s not human to be required to do what is asked of you to do. Good luck.
The Hormonally Charged Bitch of a Boss
First, I’m all for feminism, gender balance and all the amazing initiatives taking place to ensure a woman’s right in the Egyptian workplace. And if you are lucky enough to work with one of them, you’ll learn a lot and not just about work, but about women, too.
But what does this Hormonally Charged Bitch of a Boss do?
She texts you every three seconds about a different task and even if it wasn’t your very own personal responsibility, she’d blame you because you didn’t take the initiative to make it your own task.
Why, you ask me? Because she can. If you’re crazy enough to take your lunch break or go for a smoke, she’ll blame you for being unavailable even though it was clearly stated in the company policies that you have the utmost right to take from 45 minutes to an hour of your time to cater to your human needs. But how dare you?
Feedback sessions are a formalized way of making you one step away from becoming an insane person. Not because feedback is bad in any way – the person who invented feedback was actually a genius – but abusing the privilege has, well, gone far far way. I have the number of a competent psychiatrist if you need the drugs.
Opposites attract, right? So, it’s safe to say that if you’re a guy, she might be nice to you, but if you’re a girl, man you’re in for a treat.
You’re either a younger version of her (which is a red flag to look out for, by the way) or upper management sees something in you that is never going to be in her, which in that case she is very aware of your competence and hence will do anything it takes to make you feel incompetent and quit, saving her the troubles of being an insecure bitch.
The Amazing Boss
We all know that Donald Sutherland played a very memorable role in Horrible Bosses as the Amazing Boss, but, unfortunately, he didn’t last very long.
What does an Amazing Boss do? She inspires loyalty, she supports your decisions, understands your circumstances and, to put it quite frankly, does not give you shit about useless issues.
An Amazing Boss is one who doesn’t yell at you, even though sadly in our society she can. But she doesn’t because she respects you as an employee. She actually asks for your input and opinion. Even if she’s already established her mind about something, your voice still counts.
She doesn’t ask for a daily report, just a quick brief about what you’ve been working on and she appreciates it because she knows you’re doing the best that you can.
The Amazing Boss is not only amazing, but she is truly inspiring. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll get to meet that Amazing Boss. But luck is not the only factor standing in our way, it is pure patience and tolerance.
I know I’ve been bashing all kinds of managers, but according to a study conducted by Harris Interactive, 74 percent of people today would consider finding a new job. According to another study, here are the reasons why employees aren’t happy:
1. They don’t like their boss (31%)
2. Lack of empowerment (31%)
3. Internal Politics (35%)
4. Lack of Recognition (43%)
All of which are reasons reflecting poor management and leadership capabilities. To bosses hopefully reading this article: You need to understand that employees do not quit their jobs, they simply quit you.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss “4 Types of Terrible Bosses“
