Within two weeks of meeting an Arab man I get asked the same two questions, 1. “Can I ask you a question, but you won’t get mad?” 2. “Are you a virgin?”
Why is it such a common question? Because Arab society views a woman’s character through one lens: sharaf.
Sharaf has gone from defining the status of one’s personal moral ground, to becoming centered on a woman’s sexuality. Her virtue is now purely defined by whether or not she has a hymen, rather than basing virtue on the purity of her soul.
We’re supposed to believe that being a virgin is going to make you a better person, and premarital sex is the seed of all evil. Let’s face reality: There are women doing amazing things in the world, changing and saving lives, taking unbelievable steps in the world of power, and guess what? They’re not virgins.
So do all the accomplishments of these women get dismissed because she is not “honorable”? We’re expected to cast women out of our community because they committed the worst crime one could possibly commit in life, having sex?
Haram! According to the holy books it is in fact “wrong”, but is it wrong enough to eradicate a woman from social circles or her own family? All faiths teach and promote forgiveness and understanding of man. Why can’t Arab society dig back to the roots of their faith and realize, there are more important things to focus on to attain spiritual closeness to God, and let God judge the sinners.
Arab society attaches a woman’s sharaf to that of her brothers and cousins, the same one’s that are banging the sharaf out of other girls. Why isn’t their sharaf being called into question?
And though some may make up excuses for these men or say “it’s different”, it’s not. You can’t be a gigolo and not be judged for it. This is 2015, boys, and we ain’t down with that patriarchy bullshit.
Change is constant and inevitable. So whether you disagree or don’t believe in what you’ve read, you can best believe sharaf will be redefined in time. I’m not encouraging people to have premarital sex, and I’m not discouraging it either.
It may be hard for some to wrap their head around the idea, but women can have sex and go about their lives, with honor, kicking ass and all the other stuff we Arab women do. The Amal Almuddins of the Arab world are coming up in life and you best believe they’re not going to be intimidated by ignorance, sexism, or misogyny.
Oh and for those of you jumping to the conclusion about my “sharaf”, rest assured, I’m a virgin.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss An Open Letter to the People from Arab Girls in the West