Where Are All The Missing Planes Going?!

Somebody really has it out for Malaysia! Malaysia, what is going on, man?

First, the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight 370, then MH17 that was shot down in Ukraine, and now the most recent Malaysia-owned Air Asia flight that just up, poof and vanished (it’s really sad, I’m not being sarcastic).

For a person who flies a lot, all these flights just disappearing with no trace has got me thinking, where the hell are they going and how in this day and age are we not able to trace them?

I’ve compiled a list of all the possible reasons as to why these planes have disappeared:

 

 

1. Is there an island off the coast of Malaysia that is tres happening?

 

holyship

It’s like the Lost writers’ dream come true, three planes have vanished and no one has any idea where they are! For all we know, there is a party happening on one of these islands and we aren’t invited!

 

 

2. Aliens

 

Ufo

It must be the aliens, they got jealous of these flying contraptions and decided to take them back home with them.

Experimenting on the poor passengers seems to be their fate. I don’t want to be cracking jokes, but how else have they disappeared with no trace?

 

 

3. Blame America!

 

colbert

They just don’t want anyone to be happy and you can always blame America!

 

 

4. It never happened!

 

conspiracy

It’s the media, they’re trying to ruin Malaysian tourism.

Really, guys, not cool! It’s “Malaysia Truly Asia”.

 

 

5. They’re all at Hogwarts!

 

hogwarts

 

 

6. The Bermuda Triangle has in fact moved, relocating itself elsewhere

 

bermudatri

It was bored in Bermuda and needed some action! Hello, Malaysia…

 

 

7. The Kardashians

 

kimye

It’s actually part of their latest show premiering on E! – “Kourteny and Khloe Take on Malaysia.” In the first episode, Kanye West finds the plane and all of the survivors. Because he’s Yeezus.

 

 

8. GOD is playing hide and seek

 

Men greeting sun

Go seek!

 

 

In all honesty, though, since the infamous black box seems faulty with its shitty technology, have they not heard of “Find My iPhone?!”

That’s an idea. I’m pretty sure people have the freaking app on their phones and we know Apple can do no wrong. If those freaking plane GPSes can’t find it, then I’m pretty sure my iPhone will!

 

 

WE SAID THIS: CASE CLOSED!

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