In life we are selfish, we do things that we shouldn’t and hurt people when we don’t mean to. But when I took the decision to abort you I was acting in the most selfless way I ever have and ever will in my life. It was one of the most compassionate, caring, and loving things I have ever done for a person. Some may say that it’s the haram and act of evil to terminate a pregnancy, others may say I should’ve tried to raise you since it would’ve been the right thing to do.
The truth is, it would have been selfish of me to keep you. You deserve a life that is full of love, comfort, and stability; things I would never be able to give you at this point in my life. It would be impossible to ensure the happiest of life and the greatest of opportunities for your future at this point in time. Any child I plan on bringing into this world will have nothing but the best and until I can promise that I can give the best to you, we cannot be together.
Whether it might have been a reckless mistake or an intentional choice to become pregnant with you; ultimately the best decision for me, your father, and most importantly, you is that we would only bring you into this world with a fair chance at a beautiful and flourishing life. In my eyes, the only thing that would be haram in this situation was bring you into a loveless world with an insufficient life.
You can’t learn to love or put your life on hold for someone, unless the decision is willingly made. Otherwise, the love is not pure. You can’t be ready for a child when you have not fulfilled your own personal journey. Making the decision to end my life journey in order to start yours is unfair to us both. It is selfish on my end to give you a heart and soul that has not fulfilled its true destiny. You will be raised by a mother who will always feel incomplete in her life because she stopped it all for you and you will feel that same missing piece because you are physically and emotionally a part of me.
It’s a hollowing feeling, at one moment you brought life into me in the most literal and incredible way possible, and in a heartbeat, you were gone. While the decision might have been made without hesitation or with prolonged procrastination, know that it was a decision that was made with a heavy heart, with only you in mind. I may regret not having you in my life till the end of time, but I would never change my decision. Despite the love I could have given you it will never amount to the love you really deserve. I am sorry I could not meet you, I’m sorry I was not ready to give you my all but I will never be sorry for not bringing you into a world that was insufficient to what you are worthy of.