A Guide To All The Wallflowers Out There

You’re a wallflower. You’re also an introvert. You’re quiet but you’re mind is not. People speak while you listen. If what I am saying is resonating with you, then this guide is for you. Let’s start things off with a little story…

A Written Note

Sitting next to my friend, I felt stuck. Words couldn’t exit my mouth. Her head was down so I couldn’t see the expression on her face but I knew she was feeling down. She had a very bad day. More time passed and the room was still quiet. Breaking the silence felt the same as the jump-out of your seat feeling you get when you accidently drop a plate.

So, the only thing I could do was something I always relied on over the years. I opened the Notes App on my phone and swiped to one that was dated “April 17th”. It was written 19 days ago. I put the phone in her hand and asked her to read what was written.

She took the phone and started reading. It was quiet again. A few minutes into reading the note, my friend’s breathing started to get heavier. Then all of a sudden, tears started streaming down her face. Things escalated and she went into a full-fledged heavy sob.

I pat her back, something I’ve never done before, but the note helped break that shield I always had up. After some time, she asked, very gently, “can I hug you?”. I nodded. She pulled me in and gave me a huge embrace, the one that you wouldn’t want to end.

This story is one that is very dear to my heart because it’s a constant reminder that there are always ways to communicate how you feel. Whether you’re shy, reserved, quiet or even introverted, you do not have to rely on conventional forms of communication to tell someone, “hey, I am here for you” or “hey, you’re awesome. I love having you in my life”. I was friends with the girl mentioned in the story for over a year and that was the first time I communicated to her how I felt.

Its not like I didn’t have my chances. There were many times I could have spoken to her, yet I always chickened out. Eventually, one day, out of nowhere, everything that I ever bottled up and wanted to say to her came out in a moment of passion. I snatched my phone and I typed everything up, leaving a huge block of text on my Notes App. That action was all that was needed to make our friendship blossom.

A Form of Art

Words can be extremely powerful but so can art. If you’re the artistic type, there’s always a way to express one’s feelings through art. There are many instances in life when people can feel more comfortable when they express themselves in an artistic way. A notable moment for many fans of the Disney movie, Camp Rock, is when Nick Gray gathers the courage to literally introduce himself to a girl he likes through a song. He lists all the things that he would like the girl to know about him from his distaste for cheese to his love for superheroes and guitars. The girl ends up loving it and the two of them start dating.

Being artistic doesn’t mean you have to belt out a song. There is also the option of drawing how you feel. During my brother’s birthday, I made him a very large drawing of all the reasons that I love and hate him. Him and I do not talk much so I wanted to make use of my ability to draw cartoons to express to him what he means to me. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw the drawing and absolutely loved it. He hung it in his house ever since to constantly have it as a reminder of our relationship.

A Turned Back

Writing, drawing and singing work. But guess what, spoken word can work too. It depends on how you approach it. One of my favorite tactics was used by the character Adam from Sex Education. He was always known to be extremely reserved and quiet, even misunderstood. Yet, during the second season of the show, he made huge strides in getting through his struggles with communication.

In one special scene with his English teacher, Miss Sands, he entered the classroom and just stood there. The room was quiet for some time. Miss Sands paused and waited for him to speak. He tried to speak but couldn’t. So then, he did something unexpected. He asked Miss Sands if she can turn around and have her back to him. She was reluctant but did as he pleased. With her back to him, he was finally able to speak and expressed to her how he would like her to help him improve his grades. The action that Adam took changed a big facet of his life. Miss Sands did end up helping him with his grades and he started to show great progress.

Communication can be scary but there are always back alleys you can take to get your message out there. It doesn’t matter how you come about it. You can type it on your Notes App. You can ask someone to turn around while you talk to them like Adam Groff or you can belt it out like Nick Gray. At the end of the day, there’s always a way to communicate. And when it happens, the results can be extremely fulfilling.

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