You know that moment when you’re lying in bed, right before the caffeine wears off and the Nyquil kicks in? That moment of sleepy sleeplessness when everything makes sense and you come up with the most fabulous ideas that you probably won’t remember in the morning? That moment of clarity is my favorite. And last night I had a big one.
I’ve gone on and on in the past about my struggles with striking a balance between being my own me and a mama, but I don’t think I’m there quite yet. This past year I’ve made sure that I did it all. I exercised daily, went out a few times a week even if just in my suburban bubble, and put my work first along with a bunch of things I haven’t done in years. I have a to-do list that would probably put a CEO to shame. And I’ve now come to the realization that my babies were the ones I pushed to the bottom of my to-do list. I was so hung up on finding myself that I forgot to realize that I wasn’t lost to begin with.
Women go through different phases. Then we grow into another phase and sometimes go back to an unfinished part of our lives. It’s a beautiful cyclical process that we call our own. Men don’t experience it the way we do. We go through an independent phase, a dependent phase… then we realize that we can be independent and in a relationship at the same time and so we go back. And so many other phases that help us with everything from our emotional growth to our psychological growth. It’s an inspiring story that each woman can call her own.
I put so much pressure on myself lately to do it all and be it all. I was going to be skinny, successful, well rested, stylish, Martha Stewart and Mary Poppins all rolled into one über mama if you may.
I even took up baking! BAKING!
Yes it was complete madness and I have the burns and designer bags under my eyes to prove it.
It’s time for me yet again to embark on another journey… and I really think that this will be the toughest one yet. I call this journey, acceptance. I will accept myself. I will. You’ll see. I will always and forever do my best to be the best that I can be, but perhaps with less hobbies and burn marks. And I will always keep in mind that Victoria Beckham is not human and in no way represents women.