The Mommy Diaries: Victoria Beckham is not Human

I’m a pretty efficient person. I manage my time well and I can generally get everything I need done in a reasonable amount of time. I also like to think of myself as an active member of society. I run a small wedding planning business. I cook. I’m a pretty awesome person. But mostly my days revolve around random moments of peace when L’s at school and Zazy is napping.

Then comes Victoria Beckham.

What is that? Why is she doing this? Was she sent here from outer space? She cannot be human. And I will tell you why. Ms. Posh Beckham has a rainbow collection of birkins, four kids without a nanny in site, sky-high stilettos, strutting her fashion mogul self down the street better than any supermodel would a runway.

What is that?

Billions of dollars. Check. Enough real estate to put Donald Trump to shame. Check. A waist so small it defies physics. Check. An internationally known hot tamale for a husband. Check. Four adorable kids with awesome names like Brooklyn. Check. Deal with the devil? I think so.

And as I write this, all I can think about is how L Boogie is hopping up and down next to me showing off her black money* as loudly as possible. And I just can’t shake her.

*Black Money: An old Mobinil black membership card that she thinks is a credit card.