What Is Egypt Celebrating With All These Fireworks?

(AP Photo/Khalil Hamra)

In most countries of the world, firing something up in the sky is only reserved for parades and major celebrations. Well, Egypt is not most countries. In fact, sometimes I feel Egypt is on another planet of its own. We play with fireworks ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

Whether it’s something as small as a birthday or celebrating ousting a president for the third year in a row, we’re firing something up! We don’t know the roots of this trend or when it exactly started, but all we can remember is that after the 25th of January people seem to be unable to stop breaking out the pyrotechnics.



They’re there when someone’s getting married…



If  it is someone’s wedding, then the whole neighborhood will not be able to sleep until the break of dawn. I get that this is one of the happiest occasions in someone’s life, but why do we have to suffer? I don’t get it. It’s like celebratory car honking, but only 10 times worse. We’d probably be cursing you and praying you don’t make it to your apartment alive, and that’s the last thing you need on a night like THIS.



They’re there right after a huge clash between revolutionaries and army/police personnel…


(AP Photo/Amr Nabil)

I live very close to the Ministry of Defense, which until Morsi’s rule has been an area that witnessed many clashes. So you could imagine the mini heart attack we have every time someone decides to fire something up. Until this moment , whenever we hear the sound of a firework we automatically assume it was a gunshot. No seriously, thank you, you monsters!



They’re there when you’re sitting in a cafe…


(Ed Giles/Getty Images)
(Ed Giles/Getty Images)

You’re sipping your drink and chatting with your friends peacefully, and all of a sudden something goes BOOM! Then you look over and see a bunch of 13-year-olds laughing uncontrollably for the cardiac arrest they gave you, thinking they’re bigger pranksters than Ramez Galal!



They’re there on public holidays…


(AP Photo/Khalil Hamra)
(AP Photo/Khalil Hamra)

Dear God, help us with public holidays’ fireworks! Every single one of them turns the whole country into a firework mania. The situation reaches its absolute worst during Eid, both of them. It doesn’t even have to be an actual holiday, people fire up stuff in Ramadan during and after Iftar all the time. Why? Why would you want to traumatize all of us during a month of peace and spirituality? The result is we literally suffer from partial deafness after any public holiday.






I DON’T GET IT! What on earth calls for firing something up at 3 pm in Abbaseyya? You literally can’t even see it in the sky. And I look over from my car’s window, and nothing is happening. No occasion. No big event. No GODDAMN parade. I JUST DON’T GET IT!



And they’re there in the middle of the night…



Whether it’s a new cafe opening or someone’s birthday is happening near you , you guessed it! BAM, BAM, BAM, FIREWOKRS! You seriously don’t have to leave your house anymore, because these vicious little creatures will find you and explode right into your ears.



Finally, they’re there when nothing special at all is happening….



Yeah, I’m tired of yelling in my head. You get the picture now. We like sparkly lights in the sky. A LOT. And we won’t stop until one of those things hits someone in the eyeball. They don’t even have to go all the way up to the sky, they just have to make the beloved sound of something exploding.



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