Beards Are Filled With Poop Bacteria

Guys, it might be time to shave those beards that falsely give you an illusion of manhood and sexuality. A news anchor team in the U.S. swabbed the beards of some volunteers just to see how hygienic beards actually are. Quest Diagnostics microbiologist John Golobic tested the swabs and the results were horrific. Apparently, beards are as dirty as toilets, so basically every time a contemplating man rubs his beard, he is actually stroking a toilet seat.

For comparison, Golobic added that if the water system had similar sample results, it would be shut down for disinfection. That is taking “Eww” to another level. The microbiologist found the outcome extremely surprising, adding that he is never surprised at anything. Golobic recommends beard scrubbing, lots of hand washing and keeping hands away from the beard.

The good news for all you bearded hipsters out there is that some of the beards had normal bacteria as opposed to fecal bacteria. Countless commenters enraged by the results have clarified that fecal bacteria is not “poop” per say, adding that referring to bacteria as “disgusting” is ridiculous because we are covered with them head to toe. Claims were also made that the study was not strongly conducted. True or not, the facial hair needs to go, if not for the fear of walking around with a toilet seat for a face, then for the sweat surely coming with the hot summer days.

Watch the report below:

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