There he is, sitting in front of the TV with nothing but his boxers on.
One hand is clasped tightly around the remote, while the other is comfortably nestled inside his Superman underwear.
He reaches for popcorn – not with his remote hand – and stuffs a fistful in his mouth.
The coffee table in front of him is smothered in empty Coke cans, wrappers and some unknown sticky substance.
The sight in nauseating.
“Hey Honey,” he nods nonchalantly.
You’ve returned from a long day at work – and he’s been at home all day.
Why, you ask?
Because he decided to quit his high earning job to pursue his “dream of music.”
You fill with intense rage and resentment and suddenly you understand the stories – it’s crystal clear in this moment why there are women out there who stab their husbands 87 times.
Because they didn’t believe in divorce.
But you do.
This is not what you signed up for – before it was different. For starters, he was fully dressed and employed.
Everyday is the same. He argues with you about how leggings aren’t pants and you scream at him for gaining weight.
You hate the way he drives, gets lost, then refuses to ask for directions. And he hates listening to you bitch about your girlfriends.
And worst of all, you haven’t made love in months. Which isn’t actually terrible because he has no idea where the G spot is and we already know how bad he is with maps.
His friends don’t shower and quite frankly it’s rubbing off on him. And what’s up with them never knowing when to leave?
He says, “don’t bring my friends into this – they’re family.”
The fight escalates quickly and before you know it, you’ve thrown a hot latte at his face.
Yes, it’s come to throwing scalding beverages at each other a.k.a. the new make-up sex.
Your mind wanders and you start to fantasize about how life could be without a half naked, hairy man scratching his nuts every night at 7:00 pm – and the fantasy looks really good.
He storms off and drifts into his own dreams about how nice it would be to not live with someone so unhappy.
And oh, if he were single right now, he would be having such a great time filled with heated Playstation marathons, unlimited pizza, and constant sex with Cirque Du Soleil dancers named “Freedom” and “Sasha.”
But he pauses – because truth be told, although the prospect of catching Herpes, HPV, or any other relevant STD seems exciting – he knows deep down he’ll miss the comfort of unprotected safe sex.
One thing unites you though: You both don’t know how you got here.
Sure, it starts off like a rom-com. Flowers, sex and dreams.
Everything is cute – your first fight, your first fart and your first fail. And you accept it all – on the unconditional bond you created – because you are soul mates after all.
You are unbreakable after all.
But then somewhere along the way, it stops being funny and you realize the joke’s on you.
Maybe it’s because you rushed this monumental decision.
Or maybe it’s because every five minutes someone is going on about how 50% of marriages end in divorce in their snooty and smug tone. They’re the same people who announce to the world how “they’ll never get married,” or how “they don’t believe in soulmates or true love.”
They’re the grinches of love, they are.
Coincidentally, they’re always the ones who get married first and flaunt their flawless marriage in each others’ faces – until inevitably 50% of their marriages crash and burn.
But I digress.
In the heat of the moment, you release yourself from your self imposed shackles – thinking you’ve won – that the person you are with is replaceable.
The irony is no one will ever tell you the hardest part about divorce: sleeping alone.
Sure, you can spend a day, a week or even a month apart, but what do you do when the pillows smell like them?
The truth about divorce is that every step along the way destroys you and distorts your vision of what love is and what love can be.
And there is always someone who doesn’t want to give up just yet.
And the kids.
Oh the kids.
And the revenge.
How hard can divorce be? A signature or two, a couple of boxes and returned keys. Just how hard can it be when you come home at 7:00 pm and you aren’t welcomed by the same sight that made you want to throw up in your mouth – when instead you are all alone.
Relationships are cyclical – some days are good and some are bad. Sometimes it’s really hard to see through the darkness, but ultimately there is light no matter which way you go.
The truth about divorce is that it is never easy – but you do have a choice.
You always have a choice.
So choose to be happy.
WE SAID THIS: Check out Mommy Diaries: The D-Word.