Egyptian aunts are the most interesting ones out there. Even if they aren’t closely related to your family, they sure as hell will make themselves at home whenever they come over.
And within just two minutes of talking to her, you’ll know exactly which type of an aunt she is. Here’s a rough guide:
1. The rude one
As soon as she spots you, her first question is, “Eddaa enti tekhenti keda leh? La2 el7a2y nafsek danty tekhenty khales.”
GET OUT!
2. The other rude one
“Lala2 enti khassa khales we weshek bahtan.” You’ll be interrogated for the next ten minutes at least about your eating habits. This scene will repeat itself every 20 minutes.
3. The worried one
“Are you cold?” “Do you want me to turn on the AC?” “Are you sure you don’t need anything?” “Are you breathing properly?”
CALM DOWN. Seriously, thanks, but I’m fine.
4. The investigator
She comes over with a list of questions and bel 3araby keda hatestafrad beeki and she’ll start investigating about daddy’s job, your brother’s friends and your sleeping position.
5. El Fattana
How do you think your mum found out your brother smokes? Tant Fattana caught him for sure.
6. The gossiping tant
Just sit with her for thirty minutes and you’ll find out about your cousin’s best friend’s uncle’s divorce and why his wife was a bitch. Even if you have no interest whatsoever, you will still have to listen.
7. The one who’s just too good for life
She’s probably going to complain about everything and give you a list of why you should get a new house and move out from the shit hole you’re living in and go get a house as nice as hers.
Rawa7y betkom ya 7agga, seriously.
8. The one that fears 7asad
“Mashallah” comes after every three words – of course, that’s if she even decided to tell you anything about herself.
9. The opposite of number 8
“Eda enti gebty mobile gedid? Medala3a awy enty. We bey3ala2 da wala eh?” Bazzz, bazz el zeft. You should probably read a bit of Qur2an every time you see her.
10. Mrs. Know-It-All
We all know her, she’s the best when it comes to cooking, fashion, politics, hair products, sports and even technology. And because she thinks you are so misguided in your life, she will make sure to enlighten you by sharing her knowledge with you.
Our advice: RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.
11. The famous one (meen di aslan?)
You don’t even know her, but every time she calls your house, she’ll make sure to ask you, “3aref ana meen?” and if you go along, it’s “Tab ana meen ba2a?” Just remove fishet el telephone ASAP!
12. The show off
She’s probably just coming over to let you know that her son is in Harvard and her daughter got married to a French billionaire. OK, we got it, yalla go home.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 12 Signs You Have an Egyptian Mom