I was 19 years old and it must’ve happened sometime between December and February, because I remember distinctively that it was way too cold and the sky was rather grey. My best friends joined a workshop at college and were all blown away by a specific student. They went on and on about how smart, well spoken and charismatic he is. It took me just one look to fall in love with him.
Yes, I had the biggest crush on a guy I never talked to, it was so intense that my heart would practically stop beating the moment he walked in. My palms would get all sweaty and I’d be as giddy as a schoolgirl every time he was around. As for the times he wasn’t around, I would crave him like I craved ice cream and I couldn’t calm the hell down until I saw him the next day! ‘That must be love’, I told myself. I was sick of my inexperience and shyness that I thought i was the reason my fairytale happy ending wasn’t happening, so I decided to make a move and get to know him. I came up with the lamest excuse ever and approached him.
But to my surprise, he acted even more naively than I actually was. All we did for two years was glance at each other when the other one wasn’t looking. We told our friends and crossed our fingers that things would magically work out. I continued to think that I loved the guy for two freaking years! (Long after I graduated). It wasn’t until I met my husband that I knew I had the most incorrect idea about what love really meant. I discovered that my feelings were none other than the power of persuasion and a combination of some very strong chemicals.
It’s the most pleasant thing when you’re loved in return, and a brutal one when the infatuation is unreciprocated or even worse, when you get dumped. Failed relationships have proven to have almost the same withdrawal symptoms as of drugs. The way I felt for him tormented me and was the most confusing thing I had to deal with. I mean, who feels that way for someone they don’t even know?
Relationships to me were one of the most baffling mysteries, until God decided to unfold the truth on one boring night. I was lucky enough to stumble upon Helen Fisher. You are not going to believe this, but she proved that romantic love is not an emotion, rather a motivation system. It’s a drive that is a part of the reward system of the brain! Wait, it gets even better… Fisher proved that the effects of love and infatuation on the brain are similar to those of cocaine!
She put 37 people who are crazy in love into an MRI brain scanner. They found activity in neurons that are located at the center of the brain. It receives information from other areas that tell us how our needs can be satisfied. Activity was also found in the cells that actually make ‘dopamine’, which provides us with feelings of enjoyment and motivation to do certain things. That same brain area where they found activity becomes active when you feel the rush of cocaine! ‘The more dopamine you get, the more of a high you feel. Romantic love is actually much more than a cocaine high’, says Fisher. ‘At least, you come down from cocaine, but romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you, and you lose your sense of self. It’s as if somebody is camping in your head’.
I have to admit that I despise the sight of people who are nauseatingly in love. (Pretty much like I was) Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the love I dissent, but the way some fools completely give in to their partners and hand them all the control there is on their lives! It is one thing to be fooled by someone who pretended to be something they’re not, and a whole other thing when you voluntarily open your mouth and gladly take the hook. It happened to me and almost everyone I know. We find someone, fall in love with them and make our lives stop the moment it ends!
In a study of 114 men and women who had been rejected by a partner, 40% were found with clinically measurable depression, while 12% displayed moderate to severe depression. With some people it doesn’t stop there. The statistics of people who killed or tortured their partners for leaving or cheating are staggering, these include educators, athletes, politicians, and celebrities.The funniest part is that we still ask the question, ‘what were they thinking’?
Did you know that the term ‘crime of passion’ is a viable legal defense? It is basically an excuse for committing a crime due to sudden anger or heartbreak, in order to eliminate the element of premeditation. Lawyers argue that it’s the same as temporary insanity.
Shakespeare’s Othello was crazy about one thing, ‘Desdemona’, yet when he thought she cheated on him, the last words she heard were ‘I will kill thee and love thee after’.
Love is so simple, yet one of the most complicated ambiguities of life. Even after learning the facts, no one will stop falling crazy in love and even worse, whom we fall in love with.