When you’re in a relationship with someone you love deeply, a mini-fairytale world of yours seems like the only place you can see and live in, where it’s all pink and butterflies. But when the relationship starts going down hill and things get pretty ugly, the rug is pulled from underneath, when you recognize that the other party has decided to pull the curtains on the love story, and that they’re actually gone. There’s no way to sugarcoat this, breakups are brutal. They can often leave you wrapped up in your own toxic thoughts and it sure takes time to un-junk the emotional havoc they leave behind.
The pain following any separation is inevitable and will sure get your tear-duct going, but how long the pain lingers, is what you have a say in. There are no matrix that will tell you exactly how to move on, but there are surely common misconceptions about breakups that we have to debunk here, for they can only render you powerless, coming with a batch of uncalled for drama. Rethinking these beliefs can cushion the bumpy ride we sometimes experience during our healing process. That’s why we’ve combined the most common misconceptions people hold to be true about breakups, according to psychological researchers and medical articles.
You’re missing out on something beautiful
Normally, the things we feel we’re deprived of and can no longer have, become automatically a hundred times more appealing. Scientifically proven, love is addictive and heartbreak causes us to go through “powerful withdrawal”. That’s why people tend to find themselves physically craving someone else’s presence to an extent that can have serious consequences, even on our physical health. This also explains why the brain creates an idealistic version of the ex, while purposely overlooking any flaws, distorting our memories by making us believe that (more often than not) made-up, delusional version of them that only exists in our heads.
Hate them to be able to get over them
Another advice that has no scientific grounds to stand on. Separating from a partner doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a bad person, it may simply mean that you’re just not the right fit for one another. Holding grudges and resentment in your heart and thinking of vengeance as the medicine for your bleeding heart is not the answer, for it will only beget further resentment and unease that you’re better off without. Forgiveness is the key to your peace of heart and mind.
Waiting for closure
Closure is an absolute illusion that we tie ourselves too, hindering the moving on process we’re trying to reach. The break up has happened, and no amount of words that can be said can change this fact, nor make your bitterness any sweeter. That’s why you have to ingrain the fact that closure comes from within, not from the other person who caused the pain from the first place. Many people have, and even more people will pass such phase, without receiving a shred of closure, and it’s okay.
Pretend that you don’t care
Usually when you’re not the one who took the decision of breaking up (the breakupee), this feeling of abandonment and rejection hurts one’s ego. That’s why no matter how much your heart is aching and how many mini panic attacks you get when you hear their name, we find people opting for the solution of covering the pain and pretending like this person never existed. They get so bogged down with trying to figure out their next moves proving that they’re doing well and over their partner, and peace is the thing they end up squandering along the way. Acknowledge the fact that you’re a human being who gets hurt, and waste no time proving to anyone but yourself that you will indeed be happy and full again, just give it some time.
Staying friends on social media because it shows strength
Longing for an ex can come and go in waves, but how do you scratch the itch? Check their social media profiles of course! And before you know it, you find yourself left in a puddle of your own tears which circulates us back to point zero. No good can ever come from tip-toeing around your ex, sneaking to see who he’s following and what he’s up to. When the wound is fresh and new, the best decision is to take a break, either by muting them (if you ended on good terms) or you can just unfollow them to spare yourself the misery, and make sure you never have them back on your social accounts unless you’re 100% over this person. Unfollowing isn’t a sign of vulnerability nor hatred, it just means that you prioritize your mental health and that you’re serious about your self-healing process.
Rethinking why the breakup happened
Of course analyzing the reasons your relationship took its turn and ended is crucial because this is how you grow and become a better version of yourself. But the constant revisit of the how’s, why’s and what if’s will only hold you back, keep you fantasizing about your broken relationship, and give the other person an extra starring role inside your head that we’re trying to diminish. Acknowledge your mistakes, learn, and promise yourself not to go back to the dark place once again.
Believing that you can never fully get over the relationship
We hate to be the bearers of harsh news, but no one is irreplaceable, we all are! Aside from your parents and siblings, anyone else no matter how dear and close, can be replaced, and you can love their replacement more dearly and feel that their embrace is the fair compensation to all the hardships you faced in your previous relationships.. your perfect match is just around the corner, just trust the process.
There are no hard-and-fast rules when it comes to getting back out there and standing back up, but just make sure you untie yourself from these illusion chains that have been plaguing us for years. Let go of these misconceptions, and leave this toxic luggage behind for good. Always remember the famous Author Paulo Coelho’s saying “Your wound is probably not your fault, but healing is your responsibility”.