As if the first Frozen wasn’t enough for every single parent on Earth, Disney just decided that a sequel is on its way. For those who have been living under a rock and haven’t noticed the impact this animated feature has had on Egypt, allow me to update you.
Everywhere I go in Cairo, there are Elsa books, school bags, stickers, Halloween costumes. It is not even possible to go to a birthday without seeing a gigantic Frozen-themed cake, Olaf cupcakes and a birthday kid dressed in a long blue dress and a white braided wig.
The movie’s songs are on my iPad, PC and iPod in case my daughter throws a tantrum in the car.
I decided to burst everyone’s Frozen bubble and show you how it will really go down if Elsa came here.
She will be no queen; she will fight for bread like everyone else
Her magical powers will land her an interview with Reham Saeed
The Egyptian media will use her life drama as material for a Ramadan TV show
The whole freezing everything problem will require a fast source of heat
She will show every Egyptian offended by Ghada Adel smiling at a tourist what presumptuous really looks like
And once and for all she will solve the harassment ordeal by freezing and emasculating the lowlifes
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss If Harry Potter Was Egyptian!