Ouch. Hit a little bit too close to home there. And it got me thinking.
I now present, “Life Lessons: Tips on How to Raise Your Kids,” from someone who can’t even make a decent grilled cheese sandwich.
1) Underestimating. Your kids are much smarter than you think. Even the ones who pretend they don’t understand and seem a little slow are probably just putting on a terrific show. Don’t underestimate what they can and can’t do. You actually have no idea.
2) Your tone. You can get any message across to them using the right tone. Trust me on this one. Sarcasm will get you nowhere. Neither will yelling and definitely not threats. You want to get a message across, then pick the right tone.
3) Upbringing. Don’t raise them in a society you don’t approve of and expect them to have your attitudes, thoughts and beliefs. If they’ve grown up around people with a specific lifestyle that you don’t approve of then you have no right to complain. It’s an easy equation really: The people around them are, generally, who they will become. Absolutely no surprises there guys.
4) Decisions. When making decisions, involve them. Whether the decision directly impacts them or the family as a whole. Truth is, they’re what makes up the family. Take their opinions into serious consideration. Don’t do things that will affect them behind their back. If you have the balls to do something that will upset them (even if for their benefit), then have the balls to tell them about it beforehand. No use transferring them to another school then telling them about it later, involve them in the decision from the beginning until the very end — I cannot stress this enough.
5) “Overprotective parents raise the best liars.” Do you want that? No? Then simmer down with the overprotective instincts. It’s better to know what your kids are getting into then have them do it anyway and lie to your face about it. It’s really that simple.
6) Mind games: Don’t. Seriously, just don’t. Mind games are the spawn of the devil when it comes to dealing with your children. It breaks the trust and teaches them deviousness. Parents, please don’t.
7) Respect: In my opinion, the best-raised kids are those who respect others. If your child has grown up thinking it’s okay to be rude to the waiter/sayes/teacher or whoever else they interact with on a daily basis, then you have failed at raising a proper human being. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, make sure they know.
8) Befriend their friends: Sometimes when you just can’t get through to them (which will happen) your kids’ friends will be your biggest help — trust me. And while we’re at it, stop telling them who and who not to hang out with. They learn from the bad friends as much as they do from the good, and it’s what makes them a well-rounded person at the end of they day. So stop sheltering them from the world. It’s best they learn now than later, and saves them disappointments and heartbreak when they’re older.
9) Religion. Teach them about “goodness” before you begin with the rules. All religions are centered around the idea of love, peace and mercy. Be a good example of those traits which will lead to them having a positive association regarding religion and hence lead to the practices (praying, fasting, going to church, etc). Your kids will one day reach a certain age where you can’t force your opinions/thoughts/beliefs onto them. When that happens, learn to let go. If their foundation is solid, they’ll be on the right track sooner or later.
10) Bad days: Sometimes they just won’t want to go to that family gathering, or to tennis practice, and that’s okay. It really is. They’re not being rude nor are they being disrespectful, they’re just having a bad day — learn to respect that.
11) Fuss. Stop making a huge fuss about everything they decide to share with you, no matter how big the issue is. Last thing you want is to discourage them from communicating with you. Speak calmly (even if you’re freaking out) and logically (it gets through eventually) and help them sort the issue out, if you can.
12) Learn to let go. Okay, they fucked up. Once. Yes it was bad. Yes you’re still a little scarred, but it’s done with and gone now. They’ve learned, you’ve learned. Learn to let go. So stop bringing it up every other week. it’s just not cool.
Last but not least: You are not perfect, and neither are they! So act accordingly. Please.
Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist nor am I some child-raising mother. Just some things I’ve picked up on throughout life. If you have kids (or are planning to in the future) keep these points in mind, for the love of God! If you’re not a mom or dad or planning on having kids, apologies for wasting a good 10 minutes of your life, move right along.