Cairoscopes: If Horoscopes Were Written for Egypt

The universe is full of so many unknowns. There are stars and planets we can’t even see dictating whether we’re going to have a good day or a disastrous one. Take a look at your Cairo-specific horoscope for today; there could be cosmic consequences if you don’t.

 

 

ARIES

 

The more important something is to you, the more likely you are to get drawn into an argument about it. So when you hear someone in the break room smack-talking your beloved Nasser’s impact on Egyptian society, you’re going to want to unleash, you Aries hothead! Refrain from snorting and keep your insults to yourself.

 

 

 

TAURUS

 

You’ve been moving at a crawl on the 6th of October bridge for half an hour. You finally approach the reason for the traffic, which you’re thinking was maybe an accident or a broken-down car. When you realize that you’ve been sitting there because there is an all-out microbus driver brawl, you’ll be tempted to shout a few insults in their direction. Unless you want a matching cheek scar, just hold your tongue and keep moving.

 

 

GEMINI

 

You wake up feeling great! Everything is going your way, there’s no traffic on the da2ery, Nile FM is playing all your jams, and you’re boss isn’t around so you get to leave early. You’re liking your luck today so you take some risks, like going to Cairo Jazz without a reservation and a few more guys than girls. The guys at the door quickly serve as a reminder that just because you’re lucky doesn’t make you invincible. Entrance denied.

 

 

CANCER

 

You’re feeling extra stressed, because, well, you’re you. Your hectic work schedule, incompetent people and general madness are taking their toll. Your mood swings are getting out of control. Stay at home with people who know you and are obligated to put up with you. Help Mama around the house, go visit Teta and let her cooking wash away your sorrows, play with your nieces and nephews. Relax, it’ll get better.

 

 

LEO

 

You’re a Leo, so naturally you’re feeling confident. You are ready to speak your mind and stand up for what you believe in. After a string of deceitful, creepy taxi drivers you’re ready to let the next one have it. 15 minutes into your journey, you realize the meter isn’t on and launch into a verbal tirade, to which the poor guy responds apologetically that he’s driving the taxi for his sick father and he’d gladly accept 10 pounds. Well, damn. Sometimes you need to be taken down a peg or two.

 

 

VIRGO

 

Watch out Virgos, someone has it out for you today! Get your khamsa, 3in al 7asood, holy book or whatever protective amulet you can find. Don’t bother fighting back, it’ll only make it worse.

 

 

LIBRA

 

You have finally worked up the courage to talk to the girl you really like. Yanhar abyad, it’s actually working! She agrees to go out with you and you’re feeling really confident. Just make sure that confidence doesn’t turn into cockiness or all your hard work will go down the drain, and you’ll be terribly, terribly alone.

 

 

SCORPIO

 

If you see 7amaty come up on caller ID, don’t answer! She could be genuinely annoyed at the price of your new furniture or just in a bad mood because the couiffeur messed up her perm. Either way, you’ll probably be tempted to say something that could make the situation worse. Best to avoid her today and stop over tomorrow with some basboosa.

 

 

SAGITTARIUS

 

You’re very generous, but often bite off more than you can chew. A friend has a birthday coming up, which of course you offer to help plan. Avoid ideas that will just end up pissing you off, like going on a felucca – no one is ever on time anyway. Get one of those half chocolate, half fruit cakes from Le Poire so you don’t have to listen to people complain that they don’t like the one you’ve chosen. Take it easy on yourself!

 

 

CAPRICORN

 

Your determination and hard work are about to pay off! You’re finally going to be recognized for all the long hours you’ve put in at the office and your emerging leadership skills. Don’t let your success go to your head. Overconfidence is unattractive and cockiness will isolate you. As good as mama’s ma7shi is, you don’t want to have to live with her forever, do you?

 

 

AQUARIUS

 

Your boss is in a good mood and you’re tempted to ask him about that raise you desperately need (and deserve!) but don’t push it. Ask instead for a day off and take a trip to somewhere culturally and spiritually satisfying like Dahab.

 

 

PISCES

 

If you’re finally getting around to making that trip to IKEA you’ve been talking about for ages, make sure to take a friend or family member along to reign in impulse purchases and questionable taste. If not, the people you live with could be the not-so-proud new owners of this doggy highchair.

 

 

 

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 10 Things to Expect When Dating a Libra.