By Aya Ragheb
What happens when you cheat on your husband? On your wife?
In an interview with Maher El Daba’, a Psychology professor in the American University of Cairo (AUC), a PHD-holder in Psychology from the University of the Pacific, California, and a marriage counselor, El Daba’ explains the reasons behind cheating, what happens when the partner cheat and how to surpass this issue.
“When I cheated on my husband, I kept telling myself it is not cheating, but the thing is, thinking about another man than your husband is cheating as well,” A woman who did not want her name mentioned says.
According to El Daba’, cheating is both mental and physical. Men and women can both cheat, but the beginning of the process of cheating differs. In women, cheating starts with emotional infidelity such as words, compliments, flirting leading to a sexual affair. In men, cheating starts with daydreaming, checking out other women, and thinking about other women leading to a sexual affair as well. A picture, a video or even looking at a lady is considered cheating.
Why do we cheat?
Cheating is wrong by all means, but the question here is: If you are in a good relationship, if you love your partner, why would you cheat? There are several reasons for cheating, El Daba’ elaborates. Lack of satisfaction in the relationship, not sexually aroused and lack of emotions are the reasons for cheating. Another reason is the theory of the forbidden fruit, the professor explains by saying that taking what you cannot have is always desirable and attractive.
Is cheating a disorder?
“He always checks other girls. He never gets enough,” Hind, a 30-year-old woman says about her boyfriend. Sometimes the cheater is satisfied in their current relationship but some people always feel they want more. Cheating can sometimes be a disorder when the person does not get enough from one partner. It is mostly in men and rarely in women. It is hard to get married with that disorder because partners will not accept that their husbands or wives always check other people or want other people. “I am married and I cannot stop cheating on my wife. I just love it,” a 39 year old banker who wanted to remain anonymous said. Ahmed is now separated from his wife.
“Cheating is hard on both partners there is only ONE solution for cheating: The will; the will to stop,” El Daba’ confirms. Everyone has the will to stop themselves from cheating. As for the partner who gets cheated on, the professor explains that forgiveness is the beginning of the healing process. Partners should take baby steps to work on their relationships. The cheater should be able to gain the betrayed partner’s trust again. In addition, communicating your feelings and expressing yourself is vital because anger and resentment can grow leading to separation. Allow yourself to be angry on your partner, only then moving on is possible.