We all have pet peeves when it comes to working out at the gym. You know what I’m talking about – little things that people do that are either mind-boggling, ridiculous, or just plain piss you off. I’m talking about things like people forgetting to wipe down the seat of the stationary bike after drenching it in sweat, or people who spend their entire workout staring at themselves in the mirror.
Here’s a list of the most ridiculous things we’ve seen people do while working out:
1. Showing up to the gym wearing full make-up
Ladies, you’re going to the gym – not a fashion show. The purpose of working out is to (hopefully) break a sweat. So unless your objective is to look like a clown with foundation leaking from your pores and mascara smudged all over your face, leave the makeup at home.
If you want to pick up a man, go to a bar not the gym.
2. Sitting in the sauna only to leave after two minutes
Okay. Let me first just explain the purpose of a sauna. A full spectrum sauna is a closed room heated with water and hot coals where people go (usually after a work out) in order to cleanse toxins from their skin through the process of *sweating.* Yes, SWEATING. That’s the whole point of a sauna. To sweat. There are other benefits that occur over time, after repetitive use, such as lowered blood pressure and improved respiratory function.
If you want to get any of these benefits, you need to be in the sauna for between 15-30 minutes. You won’t even BEGIN to sweat until you’ve been in the sauna for at least five minutes. At two minutes? You might as well just curl up under a comforter cuz that’s about as much benefit as you’re getting.
3. Running on the treadmill for only five minutes
I know, treadmills are annoying and they feel like human hamster balls. But they’re kind of a necessity in Egypt, especially for those of us whose only other option is to run in the street (only to get chased down by confused bawabs who think we’re running away from something).
But if you want to benefit from a treadmill (or any other cardio machine for that matter), you really need to stay on it for longer than five minutes. If you’re just starting out, you can start low (10-15 min) and work your way up.
Make your trip to the gym actually count for something.
4. Eating Pringles right after your work out when your fitness goal is anything OTHER than mass gain
Many gyms in Egypt come equipped with a snack bar with options ranging from fresh juice to caloric junk such as Snickers. These caloric options are meant for people who are trying to gain mass. They are NOT meant for the majority of people at the gym who are there to lose weight or tone their physiques.
For the vast majority of us gym-goers, eating that Snickers bar or those Pringles basically means that we’re canceling out ALL the calories we just burnt in the past hour of blood, sweat and tears.
5. Smoking before you work out. Or smoking after you work out. Or smoking in the pool…
I don’t need to sit here and tell you that smoking is bad for your health. But smoking before (or after) your work out is just plain antithetical to the entire concept of working out.
That pre-work out cigarette certainly isn’t going to help your lung function during cardio and cardio isn’t going to fix your shit if you’re just going to inhale tar right after you finish.
Even at the gym, Egyptians just can’t seem to put out their cigs. Everywhere you go, everywhere you turn, from the balcony to the swimming pool, you’ll find people puffing away on their Marlboros.
“Maalesh yaani… one is no broblem”
6. Flexing at yourself in the mirror
Yes, you’re beautiful. And maybe you have muscles. But let’s be honest, flexing at yourself in the mirror comes across as a tad bit vain.
Staring at yourself in the mirror is something that you can do, if you must, at home rather than in the free weights section or in the locker room. Move over for people who want to use mirrors for real stuff like monitoring form or washing their face.
7. Even worse? Gym selfies.
We all know the type. The overcompensating macho dudes who feel a need to display to the world their “impressively high” levels of testosterone through the ultimate testament – gym selfies.
If you have muscles, we probably already assume you work out. There’s no need to present evidence.
8. Running while reading
If you’re able to focus on reading a book or a magazine while you’re running, you probably aren’t pushing yourself very hard. Just sayin’.
Save Fifty Shades of Grey for Cilantro or a rainy day at home.
9. Working out in strange outfits
Got a matching pink sweatsuit from Victoria’s Secret? Leave that shit at home.
NOTE: The most criminal garments in this category are those tight booty sweats with “LOVE PINK” and “PRINCESS” written across your ass.
10. Obsessively correcting other people’s workout form
Unless you’re a trainer, please keep your comments to yourself.
There is nothing more annoying than a self-appointed corrections officer tracking your every move around the circuit. Even more annoying is when men use this condescending behavior as a pretense to try and pick up girls.
Trust us, there is nothing less sexy than a man who talks down to a woman. We can handle ourselves, thank you very much.
WE SAID THIS: Don’t have a gym membership? Check out these 11 Ways to Work Out without Hitting the Gym.