Food Porn for the Sad Humans on Diets

By Dina Hashish On Mar 19, 2015

I absolutely envy skinny and fit people – the ones who get away with eating a McDonald’s meal plus three extra sandwiches, the ones who love chocolate, yet never seem to show a muffin top, and above all the ones who only gain 7 kg during pregnancy and lose them during labor.

Please, skinny people, just leave the country or go live on the beach or something; don’t ever wear anything but bikinis, giggle at your bad jokes, get pregnant and never get fat, do your CrossFit, take selfies then call yourselves bikini bloggers, but just let us live in peace in our fat-induced bubble.

Here are food pornish GIFs for those of us who silently suffer, who count the seconds til the next cheat meal, who dream of diving into hot chocolate lava with an I.V. cannula of molten peanut butter attached to our veins:

That clicking sound of a spoon on a Crème Brulee to gently crack its caramelized surface… rumor has it that’s the sound of an angel crying with joy

A Cinnabon bun is what every girl’s bun should aspire to be

That blooming flower dessert that is like a spring breeze washing away your sins and subtly adding fat to your hips

Food Porn for the Sad Humans on Diets

That clicking sound of a spoon on a Crème Brulee to gently crack its caramelized surface… rumor has it that’s the sound of an angel crying with joy

A Cinnabon bun is what every girl’s bun should aspire to be

That blooming flower dessert that is like a spring breeze washing away your sins and subtly adding fat to your hips

I’d love to hike that chocolate fondant hill and happily drown in a chocolate avalanche

Don’t you want to just fill your kid’s ball pool with these candies and just hold their hands and bounce?

Can we just blend these two and use it as a facial scrub?

Hot, steamy and sweet, just like a relationship but with a happier ending

I’d intentionally get a tongue burn and a heart burn if it means I eat those bacon strips right from the pan

Can someone please get me an Insulin shot while I finish my marshmallow/chocolate/biscuit sandwich?

A scientific fact for you: Macaroni n’ Cheese will only exit your body by an exorcism. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

Some things in life are a one-way road, the physical and visual damages are irreversible

These are the kind of bombs we need in the Middle East – chocolate bombs

Damn you, pizza!

I’ve been watching the wrong cartoons my entire life