Pizza Hummus, Pina Colada Hummus, and other Crimes Against Hummusanity

On Mo Amer’s recent semi-autobiographical Netflix show Mo, which follows the trials and tribulations of a young undocumented young Palestinian American man trying to make it in America, a store clerk asks Mo “hello sir, would you like to try some chocolate hummus?”. To which a bewildered Mo responds in outrage, “did you say chocolate hummus? You know what you just did? You insulted my grandmother”. However, chocolate hummus is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the brave new world of hummus flavours that seem to be coming out of the United States.

America’s ingenuity and willingness to push boundaries and combine flavours from different cultures may have combined the humble sandwich and ice cream to give us the gift of the ice cream sandwich, an irresistible American classic. However, while the greatness of macaroni and cheese is now pretty well established, to the detriment of many a proud Italian, and the Hawaiian pizza’s almost sacrilegious use of pineapple on a pizza is even up for debate, the brave new world of hummus flavours may be a different matter. To proud Syrians, Lebanese, and Palestines, polluting the tried and tested recipe of chickpeas, tahini, garlic, a squeeze of lemon, with generous amounts of olive oil with the likes of cookie dough and wasabi may seem like blasphemy.

We collected some of the weirdest and most outrageous hummus flavours we could find to try and understand this baffling trend. Whether these ridiculous flavours represent the melting pot that is American culture and the playfulness inherent in cultural exchange or the appropriation of cultural cuisines and capitalism’s inherent drive to commercialise everything is up to you. However, what we are confident of is that we’re relieved we didn’t have to try any of these when researching this article…

Pumpkin Pie

Considering that pumpkin pie is a classic winter dish, is pumpkin pie hummus the excuse I’ve been looking for to eat pumpkin pie all year round? Whether these two great things work together though is another matter and need to be tested in person before any decision can be made. However, several companies produce pumpkin pie or pumpkin spice hummus and it can be found in numerous countries across the globe, so maybe they’re onto something.

Pina Colada

When did food become clickbait? Pina colada hummus makes no sense and it makes you wonder if people only buy it because of the novelty or because they actually want to try it. As much as I love hummus and pina colada on their own, I have no desire in the world to try them together. No thank you!

Mango

Via KindPNG

Is it desert? Is it a savoury dip? Is it even hummus? But the real question is why? Lantana in its pursuit to ruin everything we hold dear has managed to ruin mangoes and the beloved chickpea dip for us in just one pot that you can conveniently put in your fridge.

Cake Batter

Via HEB

For some reason, getting the last bits of cake batter out of a mixing spoon or finger always ended up tasting better than the cake you’re baking. However, this guilty pleasure that we hide as a little secret can now be enjoyed in the form of a chickpea dip. As much as I’m ashamed to say, this is actually one I want to try.

Peanut Butter

As a non-American, I was skeptical when my friends told me about peanut butter and jelly (jam to the rest of the world). However, trying a P&B sandwich for the first time left me a convert, so maybe hummus and peanut butter works? The unusual flavour by Tribe, which like some other companies on this list have been boycotted by the BDS movement for their financial support for expansionist policies in Israel, was released alongside other bizarre hummus flavours I’m in no rush to try.

Wasabi

In a true mix of cultures, the Indian company The Khao Project combined the Arab classic dish of hummus with the Japanese spicy paste known as wasabi. Wasabi is certainly having its moment of fame currently, with all types of wasabi covered and flavoured treats being released to feed this trend, but I’m not sure this is one of its best innovations.

Red Velvet

Red velvet cake is a delicacy, but challenging for the waistline. But they also say that hummus is healthy…? So is red velvet cake hummus healthy? Probably not, but it might help you pretend it is and let you have some guilt-free spoon fulls

Pizza

As if there wasn’t already a reason to boycott Sabra, which has been slated for boycott by the BDS movement since 2010 for its donated food packages to the Israeli Defense Forces, Sabra produces a pizza flavoured hummus. While its impressive how Sabra managed to outrage Arabs and Italians equally in one clean blow, the creation of pizza hummus may have also outdone Hawaiian pizza’s pioneering use of pineapple as one of the greatest crimes against pizza.

Mango Sriracha

Via Walmart

Mango and Sriracha may already seem like an adventurous combination of flavours, but why not add hummus to the mix? Roots may have the slogan ‘Every Batch is Sacred‘, but the creation of mango sriracha hummus is a clear indication that hold nothing sacred.

Thai Coconut Curry

Admittedly, this is one I want to try… But in my defense, this is not hummus. Something about a Thai coconut curry hummus sounds great, and I will be scanning the shelves from now on until I find it.

Brownie Batter

I’m a fair way through this list already and I’ve come very close to breaking, but brownie batter hummus has pushed me too far; this is not hummus! Shockingly, brownie batter hummus is produced by several different companies as a sad testament to how the term hummus has almost become meaningless in the world of food trends.

Strawberry Daiquiri

Of course, who wouldn’t want the classic summer cocktail in the form of a hummus? Everyone wouldn’t… whether this hummus is alcoholic like the cocktail, I don’t know, but what I do know is that strawberry daiquiri hummus is silly and I will judge you if you want to try it.

Blueberry

Via KindPNG

In another instalment of Not Hummus, I bring you blueberry hummus. As yet another fruity dip from Lantana, it makes you wonder what they’re trying to do. Are they trying to make it easier to get your five-a-day? Or are they just on a mission to make hummus out of anything they can get their hands on?

WE SAID THIS: Don’t Miss… This Hummus Recipe Is So Easy It’s Going To Make Your Heart Sing

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