Mommy Diaries: Moms Favorite

I come from quite a big family. I have 3 siblings, 9 nieces/nephews, and more cousins than I can remember. It’s pretty awesome. I love big families. I think it’s the noise I like the most. I love our dinner conversations. It’s usually my dad telling us a story about a revolution, mom yelling at my brother to taste her veggies, another brother denying he spilled his juice, and my sister trying to convince her son to eat something over the rest of us just chit chatting on and on about nonsense and my mom’s cooking. It’s chaotic, hectic, noisy and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I always said that no matter what happened, I’d have as many kids as we could afford. At least 4 kids, maybe even 6. I wanted a house filled with so much love, you couldn’t handle it.

This was of course before I had L Boogie and Z Money.

It’s not just the financial part that’s got me thinking. Are you seeing tuitions these days?! It’s the emotional drainage that takes place.  Kids are like sanity suckers. They drive you insane. One second you’re contemplating dropping them off in a parking lot and flooring it out of there before anyone sees you, and another you can’t control the love pouring out of you.  It really can drive you crazy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You don’t know love until you’ve had a child. Take whatever love you have inside you and multiply it by infinity. Then repeat.

I now understand though what my mom meant when she said she loved us all the same. Surely she has a favorite. Obviously it’s my older brother. He can do no wrong, right? My sister? She’s always been the voice of reason in our family. Maybe my other brother? Definitely not me. Or is it?

I hounded my mom* for years asking her if she loved me more than my siblings and her answer was always the same… I love you all the same, differently.

I totally get it. I haven’t asked since I had Z. I have loved L since the moment I knew I was carrying her. I didn’t really feel anything for Z until I saw her for the first time. A rush of emotion passed through me that knocked me off my feet and it clicked.

I love them both the same, differently.

*Never had to ask my dad, I’m definitely his favorite.