Departure From Ease

You don’t just toss everything behind and leave. You don’t just overlook your life blessings and go somewhere to start over, like a blank spotless page. If you ask anyone what they want the most, probably 70% will tell you that they would like nothing more than a fresh start. But what does starting over feel like? What’s a fresh slate?

It’s the time when you’re allowed to reinvent your life. You get to be whoever you want somewhere where no one recognizes your face or knows a thing about your past and regrets. You have nothing to stop you from creating the life you’ve dreamed of, and no one to judge you for changing. Nothing is tying you down, now.

But it’s a package thing, if you want that, then you won’t recognize anything around you, either. You’ll be stuck in a life full of strangers, as well. You won’t identify your place or your life and later on you’ll be a stranger to yourself as much as you’re a stranger to those around you. Can you handle all those drastic changes?

It’s not the people; it’s the warmness of place, and the home-like weather. We find comfort in routines and we cling to the monotonous familiarity. The weekend hangouts, the memory-filled cafes and that waiter who tells you hi because you’ve been eating at that restaurant since you were 16. It’s not the house; it’s that the furniture smells like movie times and family gatherings. It’s not just your room; it’s your bed that has been holding you safe and secure all those years.

It’s not about the house; it’s about your home. A home waits and expects and welcomes but this home-country doesn’t feel like welcoming or expecting anyone soon. Yet, I don’t feel like leaving, or pushing or asking. I’m giving this country its space. I’m giving it the privilege of doubt.

Running away is not the answer! You left, you ran, you ignored when you could have cared. You gave up, you exaggerated, you abandoned when you could have comforted. So don’t expect a call back when you’ve changed your number and don’t expect a hug of comfort when you’ve flashed your cold shoulder.