Dear ‘Egyptian Foodies’ Facebook Page, You Make My Soul Ache
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You know how you wake up and start scrolling through your feed? Most people go through news updates, Instagram fashion posts or even stalk their exes. I, however, have a new obsession, and, unfortunately, it’s Egyptian Foodies and it pains me.
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You were always there on my homepage, lurking in the dark pits of my soul. I tried to ignore our chemistry, but I am only human and weakness is my flaw. I try to think of words to describe your posts, but they outshine any spoken language.
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Maybe yalahwi (OMG) will do you justice, but still, you’re far too precious to be labeled. Do you understand what you do to my heart when I wake up and see this on your page? You make cholesterol, diabetes and cellulite look exciting.
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Your power and impact are extraordinary. Ever since you talked about Alban Swissra, everywhere I go, people are day dreaming about it. If anyone had told me this is the last meal on Earth and without it I would starve, I would never taste such a messy abomination. Yet, you are my holy guide and I believe in you more than my metabolism.
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Even when you write a bad review, you manage to add a photo that would leave me drooling for weeks. It’s time I publicly ask, what the hell is this? Exseer el7ayah (elixir of life)???
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I think I’m in love with a Facebook page, for humans will never share our harmony. You are the worst romance I’ve ever experienced. How dare you lure me in with your ElPrince video?
WE SAID THIS: Egyptian Foodies, we are at your mercy and Sa7el is months away. Please feel our pain. And thighs.