Is It Time To Breakup? Here Are The Whens And Hows
Sometimes people get into relationships and as time goes by, things change. In the cycle of life, you might lose track of time, and once you’re awake, you find yourself somewhere you didn’t intend to be. Figuring out when it’s time to end the relationship because you don’t like where you are can be tough. What’s tougher is actually taking the steps to leave. But fear no more, we got the whens and hows of breaking up an undesired relationship.
When is it time to walk away?
It’s not easy to spot the warning signs, but if they’re there, sooner or later, you’re going to catch on. There are some specific things that signal that the relationship is doomed, with no future ahead. If you care about nurturing your relationship, keep an eye out, and if you get a glimpse of those warning signs, run for the hills.
- When expressing your needs makes you feel unreasonable: literally all relationships are because we have needs, even family and friends. So when your needs in a romantic relationship are not met or even ridiculed, then what are you doing it for? More often than not, when people express their needs, it can be met with invalidation of that need. When your partner tells you, “I already do that, what are you talking about?” Or gets defensive and instead of acknowledging they need to do work, it turns into an argument, that just means you’re in for an unhappy relationship.
- When you don’t feel like yourself: autonomy is an important part of happiness. Sometimes relationships’ pressure makes you make sacrifices. Those sacrifices can be parts of yourself. It might not be that extreme; it can be as simple as leaving your hobbies and spending more time on your partner’s hobbies, or maybe when your time and energy are spent on your partner; perhaps it’s when you sacrifice your needs, or when you keep silent or go along. Suddenly, you might not be able to recognize yourself in the mirror. If you lose yourself, lose the relationship.
- When you constantly feel borders are crossed: it’s important to remember that you’re your own independent person. Personal borders include emotional, physical, financial, and material borders. It’s unacceptable of anyone to take your possessions without asking, or invade your privacy. It’s no one’s right to tell you how to feel or how invalid your emotions are; that’s crossing a line. If your money is suddenly our money, then that’s a dealbreaker.
- When you feel like you’re being controlled: this is just a toxic behavior, possibly done by narcissists. You’re controlled when you find yourself always emotionally manipulated into things, using blaming, guilt tripping, or gaslighting. A controlling relationship looks like one partner knows better and is entitled enough to tell you what to do and how to do it. In a controlling relationship, you’re resourceless, vulnerable and in need of your partner. Pay attention and never let go of yourself.
- When the relationship is unbalanced: relationships are for two people, when you’re always doing what your partner wants, talking about their needs, and always apologizing and giving, then something is wrong. A balanced relationship is when both partners are cared for, heard, and prioritized. If one’s personal business is all the relationship is about, and the other one is just a support system, then you’re going to get too tired to continue.
- When your goals don’t walk hand in hand: if you want to live in another county or have a kid, and your partner just isn’t down with that and has their own personal agenda, then it’s imporant to stop it when you’re still on shore. Partners need to evolve and grow together, so figuring out whether or not your goals and your partner’s align is an imporant thing from the getgo. The longer the relationship goes on, the harder the breakup will be when reality hits.
How to actually breakup
Once you realize that the relationship is not working out and it’s time for a breakup, you might wanna put it off. You might want to try again, wait until they break up with you, or just stay in it. But worry no more, there are some steps that you can take to ease into it and get the courage needed.
- List your reasons for the breakup: a clear idea of why you’re doing this is a must. So, sit down with yourself and make a list of the reasons you’re breaking up. Once they make sense, and you’re sure of your decision and convinced you deserve better, then that list is your backup.
- Remember, it’s not going to be easy: understanding that this is not a walk in the park is essential. There might be tears or even some arguments. The aftermath wouldn’t be pretty as well, as you need time to heal and cope with your new single life, so acccept that.
- Do it face to face: breakups that end over text are never good. It can get ugly. For a clean slate, being respectful, and as an appreciation of your time together, you better meet up with your future ex and clearly explain to them how you feel and your reasons to end the relationship.
- Don’t blame anyone: if not necessary, avoid blaming your partner or yourself! Things might just not be working out because of timing or circumstances. Just as you have reasons to breakup, you had reasons to get into the relationship. Cherish your memories and start over.
- Don’t give in to arguments: sometimes it can get ugly, as there are so many emotions and history, your partner might get defensive or shift the conversation into a debate. Stay woke and do not fall for the sidetracking; stay on your point or it will never end.
- Give yourself some time: when all is said and done, your time off to heal and recover comes. No matter how the relationship was, you got out for your own valid reasons. Now, just take your time to move on.
