Dear ‘Egyptian Foodies’ Facebook Page, You Make My Soul Ache

You know how you wake up and start scrolling through your feed? Most people go through news updates, Instagram fashion posts or even stalk their exes. I, however, have a new obsession, and, unfortunately, it’s Egyptian Foodies and it pains me.

You were always there on my homepage, lurking in the dark pits of my soul. I tried to ignore our chemistry, but I am only human and weakness is my flaw. I try to think of words to describe your posts, but they outshine any spoken language.

Maybe yalahwi (OMG) will do you justice, but still, you’re far too precious to be labeled. Do you understand what you do to my heart when I wake up and see this on your page? You make cholesterol, diabetes and cellulite look exciting.

Your power and impact are extraordinary. Ever since you talked about Alban Swissra, everywhere I go, people are day dreaming about it. If anyone had told me this is the last meal on Earth and without it I would starve, I would never taste such a messy abomination. Yet, you are my holy guide and I believe in you more than my metabolism.

Even when you write a bad review, you manage to add a photo that would leave me drooling for weeks. It’s time I publicly ask, what the hell is this? Exseer el7ayah (elixir of life)???

I think I’m in love with a Facebook page, for humans will never share our harmony. You are the worst romance I’ve ever experienced. How dare you lure me in with your ElPrince video?

WE SAID THIS: Egyptian Foodies, we are at your mercy and Sa7el is months away. Please feel our pain. And thighs.