At first, denial is your best friend, you wake up wishing it was all a dream, and then this whole thing takes another form and creeps up on you like your shadow that you cannot get rid of. You want to scream and shout but you are at a loss for words. Why her? Why me? Why this? Why now? We are too young, what did we ever do to deserve this?
Nine months ago I lost my best friend to cancer. I hate that word. I hate it for the amount of damage it did and still does. Cancer doesn’t only affect the patient, but also everyone around them. Nine months ago I heard the worst news of my life. She’s gone.
I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t function. For the first time in my life I knew what it meant to have your heart broken. My heart broke; tore into tiny pieces and no words or condolences can ever mend it. I’m not going to walk you through my months of misery but this experience has taught me a handful of lessons. There is no proper way to ever prepare you for someone’s death. Each and every single person in this world copes and manages to survive their own way, but what I can tell you is what this experience taught me.
Aside from your anger, which you don’t know where to channel or who to blame it on, you start questioning things in life like God and religion, your life, your friends. You go looking for answers that might not have crossed your mind. This is not a punishment, but a lesson. Lessons come in all shapes and forms. This might be a huge lesson but you need to learn it, adjust to it and move on. LIFE GOES ON! It truly does. Maybe you will never be able to feel complete again, and life might not be the same with that person not around anymore, but always remember that a part of them will always be with you.
You need to understand that God puts people in your life for a reason, but most importantly, you need to understand that nothing is constant and that everything changes. Don’t be upset when people leave you. Don’t have expectations, just don’t expect anything from anyone. It’s easier that way.
Your life will go on, but every once in a while, you will cry and it’s okay. You will come to appreciate your family more, as you should. Cherish them as they are the only ones who will stand by you in your time of need. They are the only ones who will lift you up when you are down and who will invest in anything to see you smile again so do not take them for granted.
Talk! Even if you have no one to talk to, talk to yourself or write it down. I never thought in a million years I’d be writing my thoughts like this, but I am, and I’ve come to realize that this on its own is therapy. Talk to the person you’ve lost before you sleep, share what you’ve done with your day with them, just talk.
Surround yourself with positive energy, start filtering people, workout, travel, draw, read and leave behind all the negative things and people that do you harm. Once you have inner peace is when your relationship with the world changes. I know you wish you could pick up the phone and have that person on the other side of the line there. Whenever that happens, just smile (I understand that will be really hard, but smile) and remember a good thought, a good memory and pray for them.
WE SAID THIS: I know things are easier said than done, but you have to understand that this is all a lesson and you will get through it. You are so much stronger than you can imagine. You will survive this.