Stalking used to be a criminal act, something you could go to jail for. However, with the amount of information people willingly post online, stalking has just become a way to gather information about people you’re interested in! It’s legal if it’s accessible, right?! If you relate to the points below, then join the club, you’re a stalker just like us!
1. The first thing you do after meeting someone new is Facebook them
It’s alright if you didn’t have enough time to find out their entire life history, you know you’ll be staying up late doing the research yourself anyway! Sometimes you find yourself thinking about getting up just so you can start digging out more info! Public Profile… JACKPOT!
2. All you need is a face and who they’re friends with and you’ll find out who ANYONE is
Just met someone and have NO IDEA who they are? It’s alright… you know what they look like and who they were hanging out with… Stalking their friends will eventually lead you to them somehow!
And boy do we have a lot of accessible data to get through, from friends lists on Facebook to Instagram photos and followers. It doesn’t matter if we have to go through their entire group of friends, we will find you!
P.S. Don’t get disappointed when you find a group pic and the person you’re stalking is the ONLY person not tagged!
3. No juicy information on Facebook? It’s time to move on to Instagram!
The best thing about photos is that they really are worth a thousand words! You can tell who they hang out with, where they go, what kind of things they like enough to take photos of (hopefully other than themselves!) and with your stalking abilities, it is quite easy to find out what pictures they tend to double tap. Along with who they’re following, you’ve got yourself a whole personality analysis!
Pro Tip: Don’t like picture of anyone that’s not on your friend’s list! We don’t want to look fishy…
4. Using the photo by photo option on instagram
Some people go on Instagram and just skim through someone’s photos until they find something that catches their eye, but you know you’re a real stalker when you click on the photo by photo option on Instagram. It’s like saying I didn’t come this far to miss the tiny details, because every little detail counts! Yes, we’re gonna be in here for hours… and we’re going to enjoy it, too!
Pro Tip: Screenshot pictures you want to enlarge, so you don’t double tap by mistake while zooming in!
5. When you find yourself on their ex’s, gf’s/bf’s or sibling’s profiles
Photo with the opposite sex and it’s tagged?! Bingo! It’s not our fault they give us so many leads to go on, it’s only our duty to find out who this person is! Oh great, now we actually have the entire family tree with names and faces… Enough for one night.
Pro Tip: Don’t stalk from your phone, it is so much easier to “like” anything by mistake!
6. When you find a private profile and keep coming back to check if it has miraculously been changed
The best thing about social media platforms is that they constantly change everyone’s privacy settings, so maybe it’s your lucky day and your stalking victim is just not aware of it yet! Don’t lose hope, you’ll find something eventually, or maybe it’s time to put your stalking abilities to the test!
7. Your favourite Facebook option is “See Friendship”
Already have them on Facebook? Even better! Because now you can literally find out every juicy detail just by spying on their friendship with any of your mutual friends! It shows you pictures, wall posts or anything they’ve tagged each other in. This is GOLD!
9. When you go through every single picture on their profile and end up seeing pictures from an entirely different phase
Baby pictures? Or even better, pictures when using effects were cool along with a caption of “Best Friends 4ever”?! You’ve definitely been stalking this person for way too long! But hey, if it’s on the web, then everyone’s entitled to see it!
Pro Tip: These pictures can’t be used for blackmail, or else your cover will be blown. And don’t you dare like them!
10. In moments of desperation, you create fake accounts
If you’ve gone this far, it means you’re just a beginner at stalking. Once you’re a pro, you won’t need any fake accounts, even if it is to join a group of their interest that they’re constantly active on.
I must admit that I did this ONCE, when MSN Messenger was still a thing! But in my defence, I did get the information I needed at the time.
11. When your friends come to you to get the juice on someone
Yes, you’ve become a pro! You have a reputation for finding out anything about anyone and you’re friends want to make use of it! When it comes to their exes or potential new partners, there’s no one that can find out what they need except you! It’s actually a bit scary when you’re that good…
12. When you meet someone and you realize you’ve stalked them before
Sometimes you get so caught up in the game that you end up stalking people along the way to get to your target. The weirdest of situations is when you meet someone and they look so familiar… And then you realize that you’ve stalked them before!
You know their name, where they went to school, who they’re dating, what kind of music they like, how they look like when they just wake up and tons of info you shouldn’t be knowing about someone you JUST met!
Pro Tip: Keep your mouth shut! Just act like you’ve never met this guy before… And then go home and stalk them some more.
13. When you’re careful of what you post because you think the entire world is just like you
Just because you’re a stalker, it doesn’t mean EVERYONE is. Or actually that’s not true, everyone is… But just not as good as you are! If we’ve learnt anything from this, it’s that what you post can be and will be used against you. Make your choices wisely before you hit that upload button!
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss “10 Ways to Cure Your Social Media Addiction“