How Cheating Can Save You

Maybe telling him to drop dead on a regular basis should have been a good indicator that things in your marriage aren’t so great. Maybe you should have known better when the thought of sex with your spouse made you sick to your stomach.

But you stayed anyways – because nothing is more comforting than holy matrimony. And because quite frankly, the prospect of being single is terrifying. But the point is, you stayed. And it worked.

Until one day, you met someone you wanted to be with more than your husband. Sure, you two-stepped your way through the dance. The playing with the wedding ring, the innocent dinner dates, the daily coffees, the gentle bumping of knees.

But did your husband notice? No. He was too busy – losing himself in something.

So you justify it – you justify taking that one car ride late at night down an empty highway – with this man who just “gets you.” You justify when he holds your hand and feeds you that exhilarating feeling you haven’t felt since…

You justify when he presses his lips against your neck, slowly making his way to your moist lips. You justify digging your nails into his back as he makes you feel free.

You take a cab – because he didn’t offer to drive you home and you can’t bring yourself to look at the man you committed your life to. You wait eagerly for his text – for any indication that there’s more. But nothing.

Do you tell? Do you keep it a secret? How could the man you married not notice the wedding ring you slipped off two weeks ago? How?

So you keep it a secret – because the truth is, you selfishly don’t want to be alone.

You try to make amends by silently slipping on your wedding ring, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore, it feels heavy and wrong. You promise you won’t ever do it again and you make that extra effort to show your husband just how much you “love” him.

But then tomorrow comes – and you do it again. And again.

You know he can’t promise you anything. But you’re cool with that – because it just feels too good. You two have a connection – you share passion for art and food. He’s obviously your soul mate.

And then one day, he tells you he wants to make it work with his wife. He wants to move – you want to stay. You want kids – he doesn’t. And it starts to get really complicated.

And it is then you learn that cheating doesn’t save marriages – it breaks them. Because now you have that knowledge of what could be. And what could be, could be better.

You can’t wear the ring anymore. You just can’t. You can’t hide anymore – it’s only a matter of time before he reads the texts and wonders why you’re crying yourself to sleep.

So you tell him. And it feels like you’re the worst type of person in the world. It crushes your spirit. You want so badly to say you’re sorry, but you know in your heart, you’re not. You would do it again. And again.

The marriage dies its painful, inevitable death – but you survive, with the only hope that you will never settle again.

WE SAID THIS: Check out all of Shareen’s writing here, and stay tuned for her upcoming advice column.