Between traveling and picking up members of my family, I frequent the airport at least twice per month. It doesn’t really take you long to realize that every time you go the airport, you are meeting the exact same people over and over again, albeit with different faces.
The following are the ones you will always run to, no matter where you’re traveling to or arriving from:
1. The family with a million pieces of luggage
Why a party of four would travel with 12 pieces of luggage I will never understand. Now, I have to admit that my family was guilty of that a couple of times in the past, but we thankfully changed our ways.
Travel as light as possible, because you could cross the allowed weight limit for your luggage unknowingly and it’s never fun to send back one of your bags or pay the hefty baggage fees.
2. The lady who asks you to include one of her bags in your baggage allowance
They’re an offspring of the previous type. Your mama always warns you about them as they might be trying to smuggle some cocaine in that bag!
If you are one of these people, check your baggage allowance according to the airline you’re traveling with and always weigh your bags before you leave your house.
3. The Line Jumper
Ah, don’t we all just love these? They’re the ones who cut in luggage check-in lines, passport control lines and generally any other line there is. What fascinates me the most is their ability to completely ignore the dirty looks given to them by everyone standing in line.
Unless you’re a senior citizen or disabled, just WAIT FOR YOUR FREAKING TURN TO COME! There’s still an hour and a half to go for take-off and we’re all gonna board that plane eventually. Get that straight in your uncivilized brains.
4. The guy who has no clue
My heart goes out to these people. They’re usually senior citizens who are traveling to see their children, probably for the first time. They don’t know where to go, what to do with the ridiculously useless and redundant passport form (only in Egypt), whether to check in or show their passport first, or what the hell a gate is.
If you do notice one of them, make sure you do all you can to help them out because it is truly terrifying to be in a gigantic airport (or what seems to be a parallel universe for them) for the first time.
5. The ones who think they can get away with anything
He’s the one who has five bottles of liquid over 100 ml in his carry-on and thinks he can get away with it. She’s the ones who has bags weighing more than her baggage allowance and thinks she will get away with it. He’s the one who gets up immediately once the plane touches the ground and thinks he will get away with it.
Whether they’re really unaware of all the rules or they simply choose to ignore them, I don’t know. But no trip is complete without the scene they usually cause.
6. The guy who takes ages at each checkpoint
There’s always this one guy who we all have to wait for to rid himself of his keys, his wallet, his belt, his shoes, his watch, his carry-on(s) and an endless number of other things.
Check points are mandatory, and multiple in some cases, so just stash all your metal in your carry-on before the check point and put them back on once you’ve crossed them all.
7. The businessman
He is always in a suit. He always carries a briefcase and exactly one piece of minimal luggage. He is always wearing a great watch. He is always sitting in the business lounge (or the next best thing, if unavailable) of the airport. And he is always, ALWAYS, on the phone.
8. The “single” mom
Now, she doesn’t have to be literally single, but there’s always a mother with like three or four kids who is traveling alone. She spends most of her time in the airport trying to keep her children in check, and the other portion of the time making sure they’re not forgetting any of their million carry-ons.
Mad respect and love goes to my mom 10 years ago and all these women out there who manage to not completely lose their minds while doing this.
9. The babies
My favorites. I adore babies and seriously wanna munch all their cheeks off (but I won’t), but get a baby on a plane and it’s the end of the world. Whether it’s a three, seven, or 13-hour long flight, babies will cry NON-STOP until we reach our final destination.
Now, I don’t know if it’s the air pressure, or the sight of so many unfamiliar faces in one closed space, or if they become possessed when we’re at a high altitude, but babies board planes with the mission of making you want to rip your own head off. They know what they’re doing and they get the job done!
A plea to every mom out there: Unless it’s absolutely urgent to bring your baby on board, save them, yourself and all of us the mental blood bath and wait until their fourth birthday or so.
10. The ones who missed their flight
These are the miserable people who have been waiting for the “next flight” for 12 hours. They shop, they eat, they sleep, they work, they do it all and turn the airport into a home until the sweet mercy of the Lord befalls them and a seat on a plane is finally made available.
11. The guy who buys the entire duty free
His shopping cart includes it all: boxes and boxes of cigarettes and bottles and bottles of liquor and, of course, chocolate and perfume and makeup for his wife, plus other random purchases. This guy typically can’t pass by a duty free shop without buying up half of it.
12. The super cheesy, borderline annoying couple
They’re the couple taking selfies at every stop along the way – in line to check in, at security, waiting at the gate, in the plane about to take off… They’re probably on their honeymoon or maybe they’re just on a romantic getaway, but after the third public display of affection you catch from them, you’ll want to just shove them in the back of the plane far away from your sight.
13. The late ones
There’s always that person or couple or group who got stuck in traffic, or booked a super short layover, or got delayed in their first leg, and now they’re running across the airport, tripping over themselves to make it to the gate, otherwise they become number 10 above, and who knows when they’ll get out!
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