8 Things You’ve Heard at an Arab Hairdresser

By Guest Contributor On Nov 13, 2015

We’ve all been there. Whether you are a regular customer or you only go when you have a special occasion, I’m willing to bet you have heard one of these lines. It also doesn’t matter if we go to different hairdresser chains/shops, because really, they all say the same things.

1. Sha3rek nashef awi. Leh mish bete3mely 7amam cream/keratene/botox/protein/whatever it is they are trying to sell at the moment…

FYI, most of us have hair like this AFTER we have been through your long list of hair products. We wouldn’t be here if we had beautiful hair. We have inherited our damaged hair from our mothers and grandmothers, and there isn’t much we can do about it. Stop reminding us.

2. Meen aselek/3amalek el lone akher marra? Aslo bayez.

I am not here to cut or dye my hair, so I’m obviously happy with the result of my last hair cut/dye job. If I wanted to change it, I would have said so. I don’t appreciate you trying to make me feel insecure about my appearance just so you can make more money.

3. The person that is washing your hair: Emta akher marra 3’asalty sha3rek? Aslo mezayet awi.

Do you think I would be asking you to wash it if it weren’t oily? Also, yes, let us please start a conversation about my personal hygiene. Because that’s not awkward at all.

4. Sha3rek me2asaf, Mateegy a3melek trimming? La2 balash trimming, mateegy a3melek new look? Da ana 2aseit le kam zeboona 2assa to7fa, w kol so7abha gooly. La2a? Leh?

Because I am boring and unadventurous. Let me stay that way and stop bothering me about it. Also, are you implying that something is wrong with my current look, and that’s why I need a new one? I’m a woman, I can read between the lines.

5. (This one is usually said in a very low whisper) Ana hafta7 el ma7al bta3y el osboo3 el gayy. Ya reit 7adretek teb2y tesharafeena henak.

Oh, big chain hairdresser owners. Will you ever learn?

6. Kida mate3meleesh ma3aya elnaharda w te3mely ma3 X? Ana daye2tek fe 7aga?

Let us get one thing straight: We are not in some sort of twisted hair relationship where we must remain exclusive. Stop making me feel like I cheated on you. I’m paying good money for this and I have every right to do my hair with whomever I want without having to explain myself.

7. The endless small talk

We love hearing about your expertise in the complicated field of hair care. You are the God of hair. We get it. We really enjoy your stories about your wife, her sisters, her cousins and her cousins’ cousins. We also cannot wait to jump out of this chair so we never have to hear you blabbing ever again.

8. The lame jokes. 7ad lasa3ek bel flat abl kida walla dee hateb2a awel marra?

I’m not amused.

At the end of the day, our bad hair is part of what makes us Egyptian. Let us all try to embrace it with pride. If you can’t do that, well then you always have your hairdresser waiting for you.

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 10 Things Only Curly-Haired Girls Will Understand.