Why I Didn’t Wait for ‘The One’ to Lose My Virginity
Purity, dignity and devotion. These all come into play when taking one of the biggest steps in your adulthood or, for some, during their adolescence. We are taught by movies, teen novels and love songs that “the first time” is supposed to be one of the most magical points in our life. These same platforms also offer a darker side: regret.
The day we lose our virginity is a day that marks a new chapter; it changes how we feel and how we think about many things in life. Ultimately, whether we like it or not, it changes who we are as a person. With so much pressure around finding “the one” to lose your virginity to, I found, like many, that finding that one wasn’t an easy task.
Like many, when I first sought “the one”, I was looking for love — true love if we’re going to be dramatic. But I never found a person I actually believed that I loved in the slightest means. I had love for a few I had met along my life journey, but in my heart, they were no more than someone I really liked. Years passed, I got older, and I decided to revise my qualifications of “the one”. I decided that they didn’t have to be someone I was in love with but someone — a friend who I trusted, someone I could be naked in front of literally and figuratively.
My frustrations continued to grow as I found that I still couldn’t find “the one”. Needless to say, I was sexually frustrated, but moreso I was frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t start the new chapter of my life. The part of me that could only be unleashed by being exposed to another person and putting myself in one of the most vulnerable positions a person can be in.
I consulted with my friends, those who had sex in their teens and those who were older. I heard many different stories, but most consisted of losing it to someone they had loved. It made me think that maybe waiting for love is vital. But as they went on with their stories, many spoke of tragic endings — not ultimately the case for all, but I was met with a joking, “If I were you, I’d sell my virginity on the Internet for millions! My dumb ass gave it away for free to that asshole.”
Then it finally happened. I didn’t love him, but he was a friend who I trusted and genuinely felt comfortable around. He was someone I trusted being in that awkward, uncomfortable and scary situation with. That new chapter of my life started and I changed in ways I didn’t expect but needed in order to grow as a person. Things between us didn’t go well after, just like my friends who were deeply madly in love with their one for years.
Did I regret it? I lost my virginity, I gave part of the most sacred aspect of myself to someone I didn’t love, who did me wrong in the end. I tried to muster up a tear for my lost virginity, my stolen dignity, but I couldn’t. I realized that my virginity was not just physical but also a state of mind.
He was only a small speck in the bigger picture of my sexual awakening. Being able to let go of my physical, emotional and mental innocence in order move to a new chapter of being sexually enlightened was all me, no matter who I lost it to.
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