6 Traumatizing Yet Hilarious Things Women Do in Front of Men After Marriage
The girlfriend phase is when you feel and look your best and you can spend forever in front of the mirror perfecting your hair and eye makeup. The fiancée phase is when you tie your hair back at El Sallab while obsessing over the colors of ceramic tiles. The wife phase, at first, is one hundred percent glamour, happiness and a new to-die-for wardrobe. Then, reality strikes.
Here are six things we start innocently doing in front of men when we get too comfortable, without considering the paralyzing effect it has on their nervous system as we were doing it all our lives.
Pee with the bathroom door open
It is a fact of life that after having kids, the door is always open with a complete breach of your mental privacy. However, you know romance is dead when you start having a full conversation while peeing with your husband in the bathroom.
Farting
You might be in the car with your husband or in bed half asleep and you feel the gases coming. You know if you hold them in, your belly might explode all over your husband and ruin the new bed sheets, so you choose the lesser of two evils and fart. Forget about opening the window or raising the quilt, because you have just been caught. Blame it on Cairo’s pollution.
The fatla
A man could be carelessly walking into the bathroom only to find a woman tearing her mustache apart with a piece of thread. Facial hair is no surprise to men, but coming face to face with the removal process leaves them temporarily paralyzed.
Burping
I know this is against everything we have been taught as ladies, but unleashing your inner dragon every now and then won’t harm anyone except your husband’s well-being. It is only fair since men burp at least 600 times a day.
Waxing
If you are still the old-school type who gets waxed at home, your husband is in for a surprise. After years of marriage and kids, women are exhausted and too comfortable and they shamelessly start waxing in front of men. Body hair is neither gross nor a surprise; however, most men prefer to never come across it on your limbs or on a piece of wax. They prefer the delusion that we are permanently and naturally as soft as a baby’s bum.
A wake-up call that’s called spandex
There comes a time in every girl’s life when spandex is her best friend; that is the same time when we fear that line where the uncovered skin bulges – it is a dead giveaway that you are not naturally toned. Fast forward ten years later, and you’re strutting around the house in your spandex, looking for the hair curler, all while your husband stares at the vintage beige granny shorts you are wearing, asking, “Eh da?”
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 16 Things Every Girl Must Do Before Getting Married.
