Women and Multi-tasking: An Office Comedy
As Karim sits at his cubicle, he is approached by his management team: Bassem, Amal and Hani. Bassem is the chairman and marches ahead of the group. Karim is tense and this looks serious. He knows there have been lay offs.
“Karim we have to talk,” says Bassem.
“Is everything OK, Bassem?” says Karim.
“Karim, we have a little matter. We… well us… top management think that you’re not being productive enough,” says Bassem.
“What… I’m shocked and frankly a little upset by this news. I put in at least 10-12 hours a day,” says Karim desperately.
“Yes we understand that Karim. And we didn’t say you’re not working hard. What we’re saying is that we need you to be efficient, work smarter and be more productive.”
Team nods in approval.
“Thank Allah somebody finally noticed how screwed up things are around here,” says Karim in a condescending and sarcastic way.
“Yes, Karim, we’re on top of it. We put together a research team and they’ve come up with some strategies to help us out. I will admit they are a little out of the box, but we feel… The management team that is” The others nod in agreement. “That this will make us much more productive.”
“I’m all ears. This sounds exciting,” says Karim as enthusiastically as he can manage.
Bassem leans in closely to Karim and puts his hand on his shoulders. “The first thing we’re gonna tackle is improving your ability to multi-task. So, Karim, we’re gonna need to ask you to take your penis and tuck it in between your legs.”
Karim gasps in shock and before he can say anything Bassem raises his hand in objection.
“Now I know what you’re gonna say” The management team nods in agreement “You see, Karim, our research team has shown us that women are much more productive than men and much better at multi-tasking.”
“This is outrageous! I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this. I’m taking this to HR,” says Karim furiously.
“We thought you’d say that, Karim, but we do feel that this will really improve productivity, so much so that there is a generous bonus in it for you and a pay increase. And since this is not a proven method, we would only need you to tuck your penis in between your legs between the hours of 1pm and 3pm.”
Karim sits with confusion in his eyes and keeps listening, knowing that he needs the cash.
“So here’s what you’re going to do. At 1pm you will take your penis and tuck it in between your legs, take your birth control pill and….”
“Birth control, what the hell are you talking about” says Karim as he begins to get agitated again.
“Yes, Karim. It’s necessary. You see our research team also found that tucking your penis between your legs by itself is probably not going to be enough. We need to increase your estrogen levels so that you really start thinking like a woman. Research also checked and it will be completely harmless for you to take the pill. You’ll be fine Karim.”
“OK, well maybe I’m talking myself out of a pay raise here but wouldn’t it be just easier to hire a woman?” says Karim in exasperation.
“What! Are you freakin’ nuts? You got rocks in your head? We can’t hire a woman to do a man’s job. That’s a nightmare just waiting to happen.”
WE SAID THIS: Who run the world?
