One on One: Meet the Man Behind the ‘Sandmonkey’

For starters, @Sandmonkey, perhaps at the top of the Egyptian Twitterati leader board with over 130,000 followers, calls himself the “ungrateful son of divorced parents”.

When asked about his family he said, “I have one sister who has two kids. I think.” He went to the German school but then dropped out on a mutual agreement with the school’s administration. Afterwards he graduated from “the fine educational institution that is the American International School”. He then went to Boston, got his BA and dual Master’s and came back to Egypt in 2004.

Let’s get to know who Sandmonkey, or let me say, Mahmoud Salem REALLY is, from his background and the reasons behind his fame before and during the revolution to his political views and, finally, his hilarious thoughts on Egypt’s future.

In this One-on-One Scoop, you’ll read about stories that I’m sure you’ve never heard before.

 

What is it that you think has made you so popular on Twitter?

My wit and wisdom? I personally have no idea. I think people just follow people that other people follow, and before the revolution I had just above 2000 followers, which back then meant I was the Boss of Twitter Ville (it was like 400 people back then).

 

Why “Sand Monkey”?

It’s a racial slur used by racist Americans and Europeans against Arabs. I use it because it makes white people uncomfortable.

 

Tell us a funny situation that happened to you during the revolution that you’ll never forget.

One night I was driving a female friend home after the curfew and had to take an insane detour to get into Heliopolis, which sent me into the heart of Abbaseya. People there were not kidding, with a security stop every 10 minutes and with the people being armed to the teeth. Every time they stopped us, they would lean in, look at the girl, then back off and let us go. So I just turned the inside light on, so everyone would be able to see me and her in the car, and the moment they saw her they would lose 99% of their aggression and back off like she was kryptonite. After spending 20 minutes on 100 meters before I put the lights on, I sailed through Abbaseya in 5. It was awesome!

 

Have you ever been arrested before or during the revolution?

During the revolution, on the 3rd of February, I got lynch mobbed thanks to police officers who saw I had medical supplies for the camel incident victims and told everyone that we were spies and cronies. After a fantastically horrifying beat down, I was mercifully arrested with the people I had in the car with me. So much fun!

 

You were running in the parliamentary elections, do you think it is unfortunate that you didn’t win? What would you have added to the parliament?

In hindsight I am kind of glad I didn’t win, and 3rd place on 105 candidates on my first try ain’t bad. I think I would’ve added some balls to the parliament for the secular side, and quite possibly some important piece of Islamic legislation of my own. I had prepared an entire law that demands the normalization of relations between us and the Jinn, for security and development purposes, with a special ministry for human-jinn cooperation so we can solve all of our problems and finally liberate Palestine. Would’ve loved to see the MB and the Salafis argue against it. It is my greatest regret.

 

We heard that your mother was a member at The National Democratic Party. Tell us if that ever caused any problems and how come your political views are completely different?

It always caused problems. As to how our views were so different, I had the insider info on how bad and corrupt it all was. This revolution is a generational revolution first and foremost, and I belonged to the generation that had issue with corruption.

 

What do you think of the current circumstances that are happening in the country?

I think it’s hilarious. The Demons of the MB are coming back to bite them in the butt. They wanted it, they now have it. Let’s see how long before the people absolutely hate them and we can be done with this whole MB BS.

 

Where are the “revolutionists”? Why is Tahrir Square empty?

They have all joined the liberal secular kanaba party. It’s Ramadan and kinda hot which makes a nice air-conditioned kanaba kind of irresistible.

 

Where do you see Egypt going?

I am not sure it’s going anywhere, and neither is the rest of the world. I am always worried that we might never be able to advance enough to reach keep up with advanced western countries, but thankfully they are now reverting to where we are. It’s kinda awesome. In all seriousness, give this country 2-5 years before turning completely secular. The numbers show the serious decline in faith in Islamists since last year, and this trend is strong.

 

WE SAID THIS: If you don’t already follow him, you can find Mahmoud Salem on Twitter @Sandmonkey.