As human beings, we all need to feel loved and accepted. We find ourselves avid for love, affection and belongingness; it’s human nature that we cannot avoid. However, its the exacerbation of seeking such feelings that impose a threat on one’s wellbeing.
We grow up with simplistic visions and bright dispositions of life. When the proper amount of tenderness is given, we expect nothing less. 10 grams of love in return for 10 grams of the exact same love— it’s simple math. But the rug is pulled from underneath us when we come to realize that things aren’t as fair in the real world.
Searching for acceptance and validation from others can sometimes be an ongoing concern that one can’t conceive of ever getting over. It seems so unfair that some can hate your guts and disapprove of everything you do, even when you do your best to prove them wrong, but it happens.
It hurts when you feel discarded by people. What hurts even more, is when you’re not the cup of tea to those you aspire for their company and long for their love the most. Is this age-old dilemma ever getting solved? First, let’s unpack this.
What you do to impress others
We can never know for certain what makes us emotionally lean towards specific individuals, but what we do know for sure, is that being rejected is one of the most brutal feelings one can encounter, and from here, starts the curse.
We find ourselves fretting over how people see and perceive us; consequently, we, sometimes, uncontrollably drift into a people-pleasing whirlpool. You want them to hear you out, see through you and accept the love you are trying so hard to give them, hoping one day it can be reciprocated.
You go above and beyond, trying to convince people to like you. You get so bogged down with trying to figure out the means and ways by which you can gain their love and approval. You can give them presents, provide unyielding support or bring them the whole world to their feet, and it’s still not going to be nearly enough.
You think that the harder you love them and the more expressive you are when it comes to how you feel about them, the more likely the scale would tip in your favor. But again, that’s not necessarily true. No matter how many hidden messages you send them between the lines, non-loving eyes won’t have the ability to read your love. Or worse, they can see it, and still choose to ignore it.
Does that make you unworthy of love or them bad people? No.
How it affects you
Among this internal battle, you think you’re losing. You feel drained and disappointed. This accumulated love with nowhere to go turns into grief. Botching the job of earning their validation. Despite all the efforts, it can inflict a massive blow on your self-confidence.
They choose to box you into an undesirable mould. They continue to turn a blind eye to your attempts of warmth and embracement. Their coldness renders you powerless, and your heart is scorched with the fact that your fantasies of them accepting you are not going to happen.
You find yourself blaming yourself for not being fun enough, interesting enough or anything but enough. This will only make it more stifling and impair the way you see yourself. You’ll doubt yourself and question your self-worth, but is it worth all the effort and misery, really?
Not being everyone’s cup of tea is okay
The truth is, there’s not a single person on the face of the earth that everyone approves of. Not even celebrities and widely-loved public figures, and that’s okay. You’ll always be too happy, too dramatic, too deep or shallow for some people, or even naive and easily manipulated for trying to give them so much energy, they didn’t even want or ask for to begin with.
The question here is— how much of your energy are you willing to give to people that simply aren’t yours?
Worry not about the love you think has been wasted because it’s not. What goes around comes back around. For every person who hasn’t appreciated your giving nature, you’ll find tens that do and crave your presence in their lives. The right people will see you through you, with minimal effort from your side.
You’ll feel cherished and satisfied when you decide to redirect your love and energy towards those who really want it, and it’s going to feel so good. Not being someone’s cup of tea will happen, but it’s okay. It’ll hurt sometimes, but that’s okay too.
The sooner you realize such a simplistic perception, the sooner you’ll be able to free yourself from the shackles you made out of attachments to people who simply weren’t meant to be part of your life. You start soaring into new heights. You place further importance on how you love and perceive yourself, that other people’s validations become mere compliments that you can so easily live without.
WE SAID THIS: The bad news is, it’s inevitable. Good news is, it’s okay!