Everyone is just back from spending the entire day of Sham El Nessim with their extended family and relatives. And as much as I love my family and think they are the best family you could ask for in times of woe, I can’t help but notice some sort of pattern repeating itself every time we meet.
It doesn’t matter what kind of money or social status your family has, every Egyptian family will somehow manage to find its way into doing or saying most of the following dreaded things at every single gathering:
1. “Hanefra7 beek(y) emta?”
When are we going to start issuing a sentence for asking that question?
2. And if you are married: “Mesh nawyeen tgeebo baby ba2a?”
And if you do have one, you hear “Mesh nawyeen tgeebo o5t le Boushy?” Oh God, it never ends ya Boushy!
3. “Eh da t5ent(y) leh?”
Why the hell is this question considered appropriate?
4. Overly hyper kids running around endlessly
5. Awkward silences
You’re a group of 20+ people and suddenly EVERYBODY decides it’s time to stop talking. This leaves you smiling and looking at everyone awkwardly before being saved by endlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed on your phone.
6. “Mabtes2aleesh/Mabtes2alsh 3alaya leh?”
Maybe because I haven’t seen you in 15 years? Maybe because I’m not even sure who you are?
7. Political debates
No one’s ever gonna change their minds and we’re all wrong, so save your breath!
8. Having to sit and make conversation with someone just because you’re about the same age
Weather conversations, here I come.
9. Being force fed by your grandma and aunts
“Makaltesh leh?” “La2, tab 5od ma7shy!” “Do2t el 7amam?” And after you’ve eaten about three plates of food, they go like “Bas enta makaltesh 7aga…” Er7amoona!
10. That one uncle/aunt that CANNOT stop bragging about their/their children’s accomplishments
Yes, your son is the best thing that happened to humanity since Nutella.
11. “Mesh nawya tet7ageby orayeb?”/”Mate2la3y el 7egab ba2a enty lessa so3’ayara!”
Yes, I’m desperately waiting for your valuable input on a choice that is entirely between God and me. Maybe if I shaved my head everyone will be happy? No?
12. Having to repeat your life story for everyone who asks about 60 times
I’m physically incapable of saying what I’m planning to do after graduation for the 1020386th time.
13. Seeing someone you’ve never met before and being expected to recognize them
You’re my mum’s uncle’s daughter’s husband’s cousin. How ON EARTH could I recognize you?
14. The incredibly inappropriate uncle
He cannot get enough of his constant swearing and “subtle” sexual references. Thank you for making everyone uncomfortable ya 3ammo.
15. Having to listen to every family member basically telling you how to live your life
“You should stop eating fast food.” “You should pursue your masters.” “Fokkek mel safar barra!”
WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 12 Signs You Have An Egyptian Mom!