I remember when I was in my early twenties and I would hear of this man, or that man, you know, the ones who cheat on their wives — and my response would be quite simple: why doesn’t she just leave? Why does she put up with this? The feedback I would always get would be – ‘it’s not that simple.’
As I grew well into my thirties I was exposed to more families; my married friends’ lives, the children, the homes they built together, the history. There were the rare exceptions where the woman does leave. And sometimes she meets a better man, and sometimes she is alone. They don’t seem to regret that decision, but then again I am not in their room at night observing if the loneliness is tearing away at their soul or not.
I had conversations with several women who knowingly put up with it and why they do, and how they cope. The answers were not at all what I expected as I am someone who sees the world as black or white. But there seems to be a lot of grey. The first rationale is always “for the children, they are very close to their father and he is actually a really good father.”
But, if is he is an actual loving doting father, should he not show that love to his kids by loving their mother and only her? Oh, and what is better? For them to grow up with a single strong mother or a weak married one?
Then there is the long-term thinking female. “Oh, it doesn’t matter as long as he comes home to me at night. We will grow old together.” Sure, but I have seen that this type of woman eventually suffers from illnesses onset by years of emotional suffering and trauma. I wholeheartedly believe that it is physically impossible to love a man and be okay with sharing him with others. At the end of the day, if she is not leaving, she has to be able to survive, for the kids.
Which brings us to another reason, it being the woman falling out of love with him because of his shenanigans — the marriage, however, is still convenient. He provides, the kids are happy, it’s a home and so on. But aren’t you missing out on love? Maybe it won’t happen, but maybe it will. Even if there is the tiniest remote possibility of falling in love, would you really be okay with staying with your supposed other half knowing full well that you’ve lost all hopes of loving one another for the sake of convenience?
The most difficult reason is that she is completely dependent on him, financially. Yup, that unfortunate scenario where the husband managed to convince her at the beginning of their marriage to give up her career.
Dr. Steve Maraboli said, “Cheaters are cowards that are tempted to chase the fantasy of what could be instead of courageously addressing their own self- destructive behavior and cultivating what is.”
So, does this mean that these women are dealing with men who are very cowardly? Sometimes, I wonder if these women will ever get enough courage and strength, not to walk away, but to at least confront the coward and give very strong and serious ultimatums. What would happen?