How To Repel A Human Being In 9 Ways!
We meet all types of people, all shapes and sizes. Some of them are the nicest people in the world but then they do that one thing that changes everything – a faux pas so unpalatable that it’s etched into your brain forever. And you can never take that moment back because it haunts you with vivid flashbacks every time you see that person’s face, making you want to turn and run.
But what if you want to drive someone away? Here’s how.
- Eat with your mouth open. Let food dribble down your chin and all over your clothes.
- Walk your dog, watch him pee on the stairs of your building and leave it there and walk away.
- Drive five km per hour on an empty street, in a city where the average speed is already five km per hour.
- Speak constantly about the revolution as if others around you haven’t had enough of the entire thing!
- If you’re a guy, 7abrash [play with your balls] as if no one is watching.
- If you’re a girl, spray the entire bottle of perfume on yourself right before you walk into the gym.
- Ask your single girl friends every time you see them, “eih ba2a howa mafeesh haga keda wala keda orayeb? 3ayzeen nefra7” [for you non-Arabic speakers, loosely translated, “So what’s the latest on your love life, aren’t you going to give us the opportunity to go to your wedding soon?”]
- Don’t put your phone on silent when you’re at the movies. Continue your conversation with your grandma and discuss pretty much anything and everything you can think of. “aywa ya teta nefsy fel molokheya beta3tek yeslam eedek, nafasek fel akl mafeesh zayo. Ma3lesh fee dawsha asly fel cinema.” [“Grandma, yes I’m craving your Molokheya, there’s nothing like it. Yes there’s a little bit of noise… I’m at the movies.”]
- Ask someone in the middle of a party “Are you okay?” with a concerned look on your face and a pat on the shoulder when it’s clearly the wrong time and place for that type of conversation.
So there you have it – our handy guide to pushing normal people away. Have any tips to add? Leave them in comments!
