Disney In Real Life: Middle East Edition

Disney has been a part of our lives for always. We’ve learned things from it, the good about life and the bad. But sometimes, our heads can’t help but get in the way and we’re left wondering just how valid these lessons are…

Here are some examples of how we think these fairytales would have gone down IRL.

 

 

Aladdin and Jasmine never would have gotten married

 

Let’s face the facts, shall we? In a realistic setting, Aladdin would have been lucky to empty the Sultan’s chamber pot. Much less talk to or marry Princess Jasmine. In a world where it’s difficult for two people to marry if they don’t share the same religion or race, we doubt a Princess would be willing to marry a homeless teenage boy who talks to his pet monkey.

 

 

Mulan would have been harassed

 

Yes, it’s all very brave of Mulan to want to save her father and courageously take his spot in the army. But when it comes down to it, she wouldn’t have lasted one day before being found out. She would have been harassed by the fellow soldiers, possibly assaulted, then would have returned home impure and lived out her days as a spinster. And her father would still have been drafted.

 

 

Abu would have been a cat or dog

 

We’re very confused as to how Aladdin managed to land himself a pet monkey seeing as how in pre-Islamic Arab kingdoms monkeys definitely weren’t a native animal inhabitant. Realistically, Aladdin would have had a cat or dog accompanying him.

 

 

The Dalmatians would have been street dogs

 

Animal cruelty is universal. Most animals cannot find a kind home to belong to, much less be saved from a raging fur-loving lunatic like Cruella DeVil. The Dalmatians would have been street animals, and half of them would have probably been run over as pups.

 

 

Kuzco would’ve been overthrown by the people

 

One doesn’t need an overaged dinosaur like Yzma to magically turn the emperor into a llama. Quite simply, the people of a nation can do that just fine on their own. Take Egypt for example, we’ve managed to overthrow three leaders between 2011 and 2013.

 

 

Pocahontas and John would have been killed

 

Once the tribe women have any type of unauthorized relations with a man, we know all too well what happens. Her father, in this case the Chief or otherwise the 3omda, would kill her to prove himself a man of integrity. Best case scenario, he would disown her and tell her to run away. And John, well… Allah yer7amo.

 

 

Mowgli would have been a street rat and Cairo’s slums would be the jungle

 

You don’t need to be raised by wolves in an Indian jungle to behave like an animal, street beggars can sometimes do it just fine. If this tale were to truly take place, Mowgli would’ve been street born and bred in the good old informal settlements of Cairo.

 

 

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss Cartoon Characters We Wish Were Real.