A Girl’s Guide to Discussing the Future with Her Man
By: Rana Awadalla
When you’ve been dating your boyfriend for a while, and you feel like it’s time to take the big step, a serious conversation is often due and necessary. You have to be prepared, however, that – once you have this conversation – you may very well realize that the two of you are looking to walk different paths. This is really when you find out whether or not you you guys are on the same page, and share the same dreams.
It’s definitely not easy to walk confidently into a conversation that is shrouded with uncertainty, but there are definitely ways you can be sensible in how you approach this discussion. Here is a guide to help you.
1. Timing is very crucial, choose the right moment
It’s really important to judge the mood and pick the right moment to bring up the subject. You don’t want to discuss the long term when you are doing something that is only temporally elevating your mood, like being on a holiday for example.
You also definitely don’t want to discuss this when one or both of you are going through a rough time, at work or with family. Wait till both of you are grounded and unburdened.
2. Be realistic and don’t ask for too much
Discussing the future does not mean setting a date for your wedding. Sometimes all a girl needs is the assurance that she is a part of his future. Indeed, talks about the future should revolve less about setting dates, and revolve more about making sure that your goals are in sync.
3. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable and afraid
It does no good to pretend that you are completely fine, especially when there might be elements of the future that scare you. When it comes to having a big discussion like this one, it’s all about honesty. If you’re afraid of something it’s definitely a good idea to voice it, and let your partner know about it.
4. They’re not mind readers
Mind readers are a work of fiction, they don’t exist: its all about clear communication and the ability to express your feelings. If you want to have a direct and honest conversation with your partner about the future, you need to let him know, otherwise you will start harboring resentment when your partner fails to pick up your microscopic signals.
5. Be honest about your compatibility
Don’t ignore the red flags. If you can sense some major incompatibilities in your relationship as it progresses, you need to express them and be honest and upfront about them. The more honest you are the easier it might be for these worries to be dealt with.
6. Do not be a doormat.
There seems to be this trend going around, where people – especially guys – say things like “I love you, but I have a fear of commitment.” While conversations about your future together require empathy and understanding, you should not be an extra accommodating door mat.
Your needs have to be met as well, and this whole trend is sometimes BS to be honest. It’s like someone who is a bit upset saying that he/she has depression, and/or someone who is a little nervous claiming that they have anxiety.
There is a genuine psychological diagnosis that is called ‘fear of commitment’, and it statistically makes no sense that every other man has a full blown psychological disorder that keeps him from seeing you future together.
WE SAID THIS: These talks about the future should be viewed as a barred zone, where all and every concern should be shared without fear.