20 Things Single Egyptian Women Need More Than Men

“Kefaya ya mama b2a!”, said every Egyptian girl over 25 years old. For some eternally unknown reason, something clicks in our parents’ brains the minute we turn 20 years old and the peer pressure to meet your aunt’s 3aris and have children to take care of you when they die starts happening. This automatically turns us into passive aggressive, resting-b**ch-face mean machines and the household dynamics tend to become very hostile.

Surprise, parents: Single women definitely would like to get married and live happily ever after, but guess what? It’s not the thing that consumes our bodies and souls and wakes us up in the middle of the night sweating, shivering and sighing or the thing that we obsess over in our solitude. We women need far simpler things to make us feel complete, satisfied and forever content.

 

 

A diet that actually works

 

Yes, our life goal is to not gain all the weight back when we stop dieting. A husband sounds great, but never having to diet again sounds better.

 

 

Zara sales

 

We love acting like piranhas in that store even if it’s only a 10% discount. The word “sale” itself is more euphoric than a tropical island honeymoon.

 

 

Desserts

 

You know how your metabolism skyrockets after you eat half the jar of Nutella before bedtime? Well, that’s the definition of keeping you warm at night. See, men, we don’t need you.

 

 

The morning coffee

 

When people say love makes you a better person, they literally mean your love for coffee and tea. It is as efficient as Valium and as magical as baby unicorns running on rainbows. Your personality shifts 180 degrees in no time. Show me a man who has that affect on women.

 

 

Red lipstick

 

Most women dream of being able to pull off that vixen red lipstick without looking cheap. Major life goal.

 

 

Soiree outfits for hijabis

 

Don’t you dare make fun of a hijabi’s outfit at a wedding unless you went shopping with her. It’s mission impossible to find a soiree dress that doesn’t need a Carina top or ta2feela.

 

 

The right veil wrap and color

 

It takes years of practice and following a thousand hijabi influencers on Instagram to look this fierce.

 

 

Shisha

 

As much as I disagree with the unhealthy habit, honestly speaking, watching an enthralled woman exhaling away her problems is as mystical as the Al Pacino dance scene from the movie Scent of a Woman.

 

 

A good hair day

 

Dear moms of almost every Egyptian woman over 20: Do you know what your child has to go through to guarantee the hairdresser creates the perfect curls and hair volume? A good hair day has the ability to complete a woman.

 

 

Outlet stores abroad

 

A scientific fact for you solely based on Facebook and my friends, which is all the proof I need: This is a more therapeutic trip than a Caribbean cruise with David Beckham.

 

 

A bikini body without working for it

 

We all want to look like this without making any effort. Sure we can go to the gym and lead a healthy lifestyle, but then again, getting married sounds more entertaining.

 

 

Not being asked to go to kids’ birthdays

 

Hey, if I’m single, I definitely don’t want you to invite me to a show of multiple tantrums, deafening screams and a gift list that would take half my salary.

 

 

Not to be asked to participate in a wedding dance

 

Bridezillas, you need to stop it. We are not dancers, you are not choreographers and it’s freaking embarrassing.

 

 

A hijabi bridesmaid in a normal dress 

 

If your bridesmaids are in short strapless dresses, stop asking your veiled friend to wear the same dress and cover it up somehow, as it will only end up with you trying to find another hijabi for a symmetrical photo shoot.

 

 

‘Friends’ or mosalsalat Turkey

 

Why go through the heart wrecking drama of a failed engagement when you can just watch Rachel and Ross or Fatma and Karim?

 

 

Eyebrows, manicures and pedicures

 

You feel loved, spoiled, pampered and well taken care of. The only man you need in Egypt is Tarek Nails.

 

 

Sexy shoes that are actually comfortable

 

I don’t remember a single wedding where I didn’t end up barefoot.

 

 

Girls only trips

 

The best memories of your life will happen on those trips, not at your million-Egyptian-pound wedding party.

 

 

Our parents to stop nagging about finding ‘The One’

 

Please mamas and babas, stop it. We’re not being picky. It is just not happening.

 

 

A kickass career

 

All jokes aside, it is 2015 and women thrive on independence, female empowerment and running the world. Whether it’s stay-at-home moms working night and day to morph their children into beautiful human beings, waitresses, secretaries, doctors, entrepreneurs or CEOs, all we need to feel complete is us.

 

 

WE SAID THIS: Don’t miss 16 Things Girls Must Do Before Getting Married.